ut of silence to those who follow on. Indefensible absurdity, and yet
the secret and impassioned dream of those who write!

I was about to say that, for the writing of anything truly durable, the
first requisite is plenty of silence. Then I recall Dr. Johnson's
preface to his Dictionary--"written not in the soft obscurities of
retirement, or under the shelter of academic bowers, but amid
inconvenience and distraction, in sickness and in sorrow."

IF BUYING A MEAL WERE LIKE BUYING A HOUSE

This Indenture

between A. B., an innkeeper, organized and existing under the
laws of good cooking, party of the first part, and C. D., party
of the second part, witnesseth:

That the said party of the first part, for and in consideration
of the sum of $1.50, lawful money of the United States, paid by
the said party of the second part, does hereby grant and release
unto the said C. D., and his heirs, administrators, and assigns
forever,

All that certain group, parcels, or allotments of food, viands,
or victuals, situate or to be spread, served, and garnished upon
the premises of said A. B., shown and known and commonly designed
as one square meal, table d'hote, together with the drinking
water, napkin, ash tray, finger-bowl and hat-and-coat-hanging
privileges or easements appurtenant thereto,

And Together With the rights, privileges, and opportunities (as
an easement additionally appurtenant to the meal above nominated)
to partake, eat, enjoy, and be nourished upon said victuals, and
to call for extra pats, parcels, or portions of butter.

Subject to the following restrictions, to wit: That neither the
party of the second part, nor his heirs, executors, or assigns,
will feast immoderately upon onions, to the confusion of his
neighbours; nor will the said C. D. or his guests smoke any form
of tobacco other than cigars and cigarettes, the instrument
commonly known as a pipe being offensive to the head waiter (a
man of delicate nurture); nor will said party of the second part
covet, retain, nor seek to remove any knives, forks, spoons, or
other tableware whatsoever; nor is anything said or implied or
otherwise intimated in this covenant to be construed as
permitting the party of the second part to carry on loud
laughter, song, carnival, nor social uproar; nor unnecessarily,
further than is tactful for the procurement of expeditious
attention, to endear himself to or otherwise cajole, compliment,
and ingratiate the wa