already
dead.

HOW A MUZHIK FED TWO OFFICIALS

BY M.Y. SALTYKOV [_N.Shchedrin_]

Once upon a time there were two Officials. They were both
empty-headed, and so they found themselves one day suddenly
transported to an uninhabited isle, as if on a magic carpet.

They had passed their whole life in a Government Department, where
records were kept; had been born there, bred there, grown old there,
and consequently hadn't the least understanding for anything outside
of the Department; and the only words they knew were: "With assurances
of the highest esteem, I am your humble servant."

But the Department was abolished, and as the services of the two
Officials were no longer needed, they were given their freedom. So the
retired Officials migrated to Podyacheskaya Street in St. Petersburg.
Each had his own home, his own cook and his pension.

Waking up on the uninhabited isle, they found themselves lying under
the same cover. At first, of course, they couldn't understand what had
happened to them, and they spoke as if nothing extraordinary had taken
place.

"What a peculiar dream I had last night, your Excellency," said the
one Official. "It seemed to me as if I were on an uninhabited isle."

Scarcely had he uttered the words, when he jumped to his feet. The
other Official also jumped up.

"Good Lord, what does this mean! Where are we?" they cried out in
astonishment.

They felt each other to make sure that they were no longer dreaming,
and finally convinced themselves of the sad reality.

Before them stretched the ocean, and behind them was a little spot of
earth, beyond which the ocean stretched again. They began to cry--the
first time since their Department had been shut down.

They looked at each other, and each noticed that the other was clad in
nothing but his night shirt with his order hanging about his neck.

"We really should be having our coffee now," observed the one
Official. Then he bethought himself again of the strange situation he
was in and a second time fell to weeping.

"What are we going to do now?" he sobbed. "Even supposing we were to
draw up a report, what good would that do?"

"You know what, your Excellency," replied the other Official, "you go
to the east and I will go to the west. Toward evening we will come
back here again and, perhaps, we shall have found something."

They started to ascertain which was the east and which was the west.
They recalled that the head of