y uncle Toby would cry,--and for my sake, and for all
our sakes, my dear brother Shandy,--do let this story of our aunt's
and her ashes sleep in peace;--how can you,--how can you have so little
feeling and compassion for the character of our family?--What is the
character of a family to an hypothesis? my father would reply.--Nay,
if you come to that--what is the life of a family?--The life of a
family!--my uncle Toby would say, throwing himself back in his arm
chair, and lifting up his hands, his eyes, and one leg--Yes, the
life,--my father would say, maintaining his point. How many thousands
of 'em are there every year that come cast away, (in all civilized
countries at least)--and considered as nothing but common air, in
competition of an hypothesis. In my plain sense of things, my uncle Toby
would answer,--every such instance is downright Murder, let who will
commit it.--There lies your mistake, my father would reply;--for, in
Foro Scientiae there is no such thing as Murder,--'tis only Death,
brother.

My uncle Toby would never offer to answer this by any other kind of
argument, than that of whistling half a dozen bars of Lillebullero.--You
must know it was the usual channel thro' which his passions got vent,
when any thing shocked or surprized him:--but especially when any thing,
which he deem'd very absurd, was offered.

As not one of our logical writers, nor any of the commentators upon
them, that I remember, have thought proper to give a name to this
particular species of argument.--I here take the liberty to do it
myself, for two reasons. First, That, in order to prevent all confusion
in disputes, it may stand as much distinguished for ever, from every
other species of argument--as the Argumentum ad Verecundiam, ex Absurdo,
ex Fortiori, or any other argument whatsoever:--And, secondly, That
it may be said by my children's children, when my head is laid to
rest,--that their learn'd grandfather's head had been busied to as
much purpose once, as other people's;--That he had invented a name, and
generously thrown it into the Treasury of the Ars Logica, for one of
the most unanswerable arguments in the whole science. And, if the end
of disputation is more to silence than convince,--they may add, if they
please, to one of the best arguments too.

I do, therefore, by these presents, strictly order and command, That
it be known and distinguished by the name and title of the Argumentum
Fistulatorium, and no other;--an