hat when the
Volunteers (whose own ranges are being closed all round London) ask
for permission to shoot at Bisley, they are told that they may not
have it, because "the range is required for the regular troops."

_H.R.H.G.R._ Well, as Commander-in-Chief, of course I must consider
the Army, and as--

_C.C.-in-C._ President of the N.R.A., you should consider the
Volunteers--but you don't! Now see here, if I hear any more of this
sort of thing, I tell you frankly that--

[_Scene closes in, as the threat is too terrible for publication_.]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

QUALIFIED RECOMMENDATION.

"_A. Nobleman wishes particularly to recommend his Coachman, who is
leaving his service, solely owing to domestic changes_;" i.e., Having
been detected falsifying his stable accounts, and threatened in
consequence with prosecution, he retaliates by a menace to disclose
certain unpleasant family secrets, picked up in the servants' hall,
to a Society journal.

TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS.

"_If applied but once gently with the palm of the hand, it will afford
the sufferer delightful and instantaneous relief_;" i.e., It at once
removes the skin, and if rubbed in with vigour will flay a horse.

PLATFORMULARS.

"_I feel that I have already trespassed upon your patience, and
detained you an unconscionable time_;" i.e., "Your attention seems
flagging. I want a moment or two for reflection, and a cue to go on
again."

* * * * *

THE RACK OF THE RATE-PAYER.

(_BY A VICTIM OF "QUINQUENNIAL VALUATION."_)

"Parochial Authorities have a way of their own in interpreting
Acts of Parliament, and a very peculiar way indeed of dealing
with the Valuation Act.... Overseers go their own way, and
interpret the Act according to their knowledge and experience;
and in many cases experience is lacking, and knowledge an
altogether unknown quantity.... When dealing with leasehold
property, overseers positively revel in the most delightful
caprice. The leaseholder's property is dealt with kindly or
the reverse, just as it is in this or that parish."--_James's
Gazette_.

Tennyson talks of "gay quinquenniads." Yes,
But he would mention them with less elation
If he had my experience, I guess,
Of the _not_ gay Quinquennial Valuation!
I am not now so young as once I was,
I have arrived at the Golosh and Gamp Age,