m.

"I took a view of the promises of God, and wrote out many of
them, and called them mine; and among the foremost was that in Psalm
89:30-33; and well has the Lord kept me to it, and made it good: for,
my dear friend, never was there a more unsteady, unwatchful Christian;
never did the children of Israel's conduct in the wilderness depict
any Christian's heart and conduct in the gospel times better than
mine; and just so has the Lord dealt with me. When he slew me, then I
trusted in him; when he gave me carnal ease and comfort, I forgot my
Rock and rebelled. Often did I stumble too from legality, instead of
looking at my own weakness and impotence, and trusting wholly in my
Redeemer's strength. I was wroth with myself, wondered at myself, and
thought it impossible I could be as I had been. I made strong
resolutions, yea, vows, and became a slave in means to hedge in this
wandering, worldly, vain, flighty heart; but, alas, a few months found
me where I was, with scarce a thought of God from morning to night;
prayer huddled over in words that had no effect on my heart; and the
fear of hell the chief restraint from sin or spur to duty. Then, in
general, the Lord had some affliction for me, which laid me afresh at
his feet, and made me take a fresh grasp of Christ, and a fresh view
of his covenant: then again I felt safety, joy, peace, and happiness.

"Thus, by line upon line, by precept upon precept, aye, and by
stripe upon stripe, he taught me that I could not walk a moment
alone. This is now my fixed faith; and in proportion as I keep it in
sight, I walk safely; but I still forget, and still stumble and
still fall; but I am lifted up and taught lesson after lesson; and I
shall stumble and shall fall while sin is in me; but the last
stumble shall come, and the last stripe shall be laid on, and the
last lesson taught, and that which concerns me shall be perfected.
O, then shall I look back, and see 'all the way by which he has led
me, to prove me and try me, and show me what was in my heart, that
he might do me good in my latter end.'

"I am often, even in this valley of darkness and ignorance,
allowed this retrospective view; and am led to say not one word of
all that he promised has failed. 'Hitherto the Lord hath helped, he
hath been the guide of my youth, and even unto hoar hairs will he
lead me;' and when he calls me to pass through the valley of the
shadow of death, I shall even then fear no evil,