ted my time to usefulness and communion with him; had I
prayed against corruption within and temptation without, the Lord
would have directed my steps and held up my goings, and I should have
continued to inherit the earth, and should not have been diminished.
But this was very far from being my conduct; the bent of the natural,
unrenewed heart, is still opposed to God; and the best are sanctified
only in part, while in this life; the law in the members still wars
against the law of the Spirit of life in the mind. The goodness of
God, which ought to have been a powerful motive to gratitude, love,
and diligence, was misimproved; I enjoyed the gifts, and forgot the
giver; 'hugged my comforts to death.' Many, many light chastisements,
my dear, my kind, my indulgent heavenly Father exercised me with; I
had many repenting seasons under his strokes, many manifestations of
pardon I received, and many fresh and solemn dedications of my heart,
life, and substance did I make; but no sooner was ease and comfort
restored, than my heart turned aside like a deceitful bow: my whole
life, from fifteen till the thirtieth year of my age, was one
continued succession of departure and backsliding on my part--of
chastening, forgiving, restoring, and comforting on the part of
my God.

"He did not cast me off, but dealt with me according to the
constitution of his well-ordered covenant: 'If his children,'
Christ's, 'forsake my law and walk not in my judgments, if they break
my statutes and keep not my commandments, then will I visit their
transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with stripes.
Nevertheless, my loving-kindness will I not utterly take from him, nor
suffer my faithfulness to fail; my covenant will I not break, nor
alter the thing that is gone out of my lips.' Psalm 89:30. This is the
covenant--made with Christ as the head of all who believe--of which I
took hold in early life; my God kept me to my choice, and manifested
his own faithfulness and the stability of his covenant. When lighter
afflictions proved ineffectual, he at last, at one blow, took from me
all that made life dear, the very kernel of all my earthly joys, my
idol, my beloved husband. Then I no longer halted between two
opinions; my God became my all. I leave it as my testimony, that he
has been a father to the fatherless, a husband to the widow, the
stranger's shield and orphan's stay. Even to hoar hairs and to old age
he has carried me, and not one goo