nal and to the point:--

SIR,--Confound you and your entire staff! You ought all to be
interned. If George ever thinks of leaving me I trust it will not be
to marry one of your household. In the name of decency I must insist
on your taking strong action to end what is a positive scandal.

Faithfully yours,
FREDERICK PETHERTON.

It was Monday before I replied, then I wrote:--

DEAR FREDDY,--Let us mingle our tears. The worst is about to happen If
you were as good a churchgoer as one could wish, you would have been
in your pew yesterday morning, when the banns were read out (for the
first time of asking) "between George Goodman, bachelor, and Emily
Parsons, spinster, both of this parish," though this would not have
conveyed to you the appalling fact that your man is marrying my entire
staff all at once. I doubt, however, if you will be able to find cause
or just impediment, etc.

Yours,
H.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "DIDN'T KNOW WOT 'APPINESS WAS TILL I GOT MARRIED."

"AND NOW YOU'VE 'AD TO LEAVE IT, EH?"

"WOTCHER MEAN, _LEAVE_ IT? I'VE COME BACK TO IT."]

* * * * *

THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT IN INDIA.

"In the Punjab and Sind it has been possible to colonise
uninhabited wastes, and flourishing communities, aggregating
nearly two million inhabitants, are supported entirely by
canal water."

_Prof. STANLEY JEVONS, in "To-day."_

* * * * *

"Girl wanted, just leaving school, for Ruling
Department."--_Provincial Paper_.

Does this mean that we are to have a flapper in the Cabinet?

* * * * *

THE FOLLOW-UP METHOD.

When you respond to an advertisement offering a booklet or a sample
free, you are pestered by the proprietor of the commodity advertised
with numerous communications importuning your custom, until in sheer
self-defence you make a purchase. Now I had occasion to answer an
announcement advertising for the services of a person with attainments
approximating to my own, decided that, in the event of my application
attracting no response, I would adopt the methods indicated above. For
the benefit of others I give below a record of my procedure and the
result.

My first letter detailed my qualifications, which were very
exceptional; explained that my intelligence and industry were far
above the average; that I was morbidly conscie