y turning their minds to larger questions
Than their own insides or their poor digestions.
It has changed a First Lord into a Colonel,
Then into a scribe on a Sunday-journal,
With the possible hope, when scribbling palls,
Of doing his hit at the Music Halls.
It has proved the means of BIRRELL'S confounding
And given Lord WIMBORNE a chance of re-bounding.
But--quite the most wonderful thing of all
The things that astonish, amaze or appal--
As though a jelly turned suddenly rigid,
It has made "TAY PAY" grow suddenly frigid!
When rivers flow backwards to their founts
And tailors refuse to send in accounts;
When some benevolent millionaire
Makes me his sole and untrammelled heir;
When President WILSON finds no more
Obscurity in "the roots of the War";
When Mr. PONSONBY stops belittling
His country and WELLS abandons _Britling_:
When the Ethiopian changes his hue
To a vivid pink or a Reckitty blue--
In fine, when the Earth has lost its solidity,
Then I shall believe in "TAY PAY'S" frigidity.

* * * * *

DURATION OF THE WAR.

"If the bid does not come early in 19717 the evidences of
Germany's clamorous needs are strangely false."--_Evening
Paper_.

Are we downhearted? No!

* * * * *

Extract from Army Orders in the Field:--

"When Sections 3 and 4 have opened rapid fire, and the bullets
have had time to reach the enemy, but not before, Sections 1
and 2 move up into line with No. 3 and 4."

Aren't the Staff wonderful? They think of everything.

* * * * *

[Illustration: SNOWING HIM UNDER.

A FORECAST OF THE NEW BRITISH WAR LOAN.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Possible Purchaser_. "WHAT SORT OF DOG IS HE?"

_Dog-Fancier_. "'IM, LIDY? 'E'S A LITTLE PEDIGREE DAWG, 'E IS. AN'
THIS IS 'IS MOTHER ON THE LEAD--QUITE ANOTHER TYPE O' DAWG, BUT ALSO A
PEDIGREE."]

* * * * *

PETHERTON AND THE PLURALIST.

"Hello!" I said, "a note from Petherton. What can my charming
neighbour want now?"

The letter ran as follows:--

SIR,--I find that George, the young man I employ as house-boy, has
become friendly with one of your maids, and I shall he glad if you
will co-operate with me so far as is possible in trying to prevent
their meeting, as I do not think it desirable that there should be