ir of spindle legs, three bunions, and seven corns.

Russia, always a menace to civilization, is prepared to aid China in
her resistance against modern progress, and will not hesitate to fly
to the succor of the unspeakable Turk when the opportune moment
comes.

We do not entirely believe the story that El Mahdi is dead. On the
contrary, we confidently expect that this enterprising false prophet
will turn up in a reconstructed condition at Washington after the
4th of next March, howling for a post-office.

BLUE CUT, TENN., May 2, 1885.--The second section of the train
bearing the Illinois legislature to New Orleans was stopped near
this station by bandits last night. After relieving the bandits of
their watches and money, the excursionists proceeded on their
journey with increased enthusiasm.

Hamlin Garland has finally crawled out of the populist party and has
reappeared in Chicago fiercer than ever for the predominance of
realism in literature and art. He regrets to find that during his
absence Franklin H. Head has relapsed into romanticism and that the
verist's fences generally in these parts are in bad condition.

The national Carl Schurz committee will meet in New York on the 1st
of April to fix a date and place for the national Carl Schurz
convention. As Chicago will make no attempt to secure this
convention, we do not mind telling St. Louis, Philadelphia and
Cincinnati that the biggeet inducement which can be held out to the
Carl Schurz party is a diet of oatmeal and skim milk and piano--rent
free.

"You are looking tough, O Diogenes," quoth Socrates. "Now, by the
dog, what have you been doing?" "I have been searching for an honest
man in the Chicago City Council," replied the grim philosopher
mournfully, "With what result?" inquired the other. "Well, you see,"
said Diogenes sarcastically, "my pockets are cleaned out and my
lantern is gone! I praise Zeus that they left me my girdle!"

Major McKinley is being highly commended because he would not allow
the Ohio delegation to betray John Sherman in the Republican
convention. Other men from other States were perhaps just as loyal,
but it is so seldom that an Ohio politician does the decent thing
that when one honorable Ohio politician is found he excites quite as
much surprise and admiration as a double-headed calf or any other
natural curiosity would.

Oh, what a beautiful Hill.