Juice will Quickly make you Sick
If once you get your Maw Full._

He never ceased having discussions with himself over the wording or
authorship of the famous lines attributed to "Little Robert Reed," as
in the following:

Lo and behold! This is the way the St. Louis Republican mangles an
old, quaint, beautiful, and popular poem:

_"I would not use tobacco," said
Little Robert Reed.
"I would not use tobacco, for
'Tis a nasty weed."_

We protest against this brutal mutilization of a grand old classic.
The quatrain should read, as in the original, thus:

_"I'll never chew tobacco--no,
It is a filthy weed;
I'll never put it in my mouth,"
Said little Robert Reed._

By the way, who was the author of the poem of which the foregoing is
the first stanza?

I need scarcely refer the reader to Field's confession in his letter of
December 12th, 1891, to Mr. Gray of his struggle to give up the use of
tobacco, and to the photograph of Field at work, to indicate that his
"I do not smoke tobacco" was but one more of those harmless hoaxes he
took such pains to carry through at the expense of an ever-credulous
public.

Only one more point in regard to the "Auto-Analysis," and I am through
with that whimsical concoction; and that is in reference to his
attitude toward children. Knowing full well that his inquiring admirers
expected him to rhapsodize upon his love for children, he deliberately
set about disappointing them with:

I do not love all children.

I have tried to analyze my feelings toward children, and I think I
discover that I love them in so far as I can make pets of them.

Of course this was received with a chorus of incredulity--as it was
intended it should be. The autograph hunters who had formed their
conception of Field from his lullabies, his "Little Boy Blue," his
"Krinken," his "Wynken," and his score of other poems, all proving his
mastery over the strings that vibrate with the rocking of the cradle,
at once pronounced this the most delicious hit of their author's humor.
They knew that such songs could only emanate from a man whose heart
overflowed with the warmest sentiment to all childhood. They were
convinced that Field must love all children, and nothing he could say
could change their conviction.

[Illustration: FIELD THE COMEDIAN.]

And yet those words, "I do not love all children," are the truest six
words in his "Auto-Analysis." Field not only