ad as many ideas as I have now,
only I did not know how to choose from among them those that belonged to
my life.

XXIII

We lived in a villa where the red bricks were made pretentious and vulgar
with streaks of slate colour, and there seemed to be enemies everywhere.
At one side indeed there was a friendly architect, but on the other some
stupid stout woman and her family. I had a study with a window opposite
some window of hers, & one night when I was writing I heard voices full of
derision and saw the stout woman and her family standing in the window. I
have a way of acting what I write and speaking it aloud without knowing
what I am doing. Perhaps I was on my hands and knees, or looking down over
the back of a chair talking into what I imagined an abyss. Another day a
woman asked me to direct her on her way and while I was hesitating, being
so suddenly called out of my thought, a woman from some neighbouring house
came by. She said I was a poet and my questioner turned away
contemptuously. Upon the other hand, the policeman and tramway conductor
thought my absence of mind sufficiently explained when our servant told
them I was a poet. "Oh well," said the policeman, who had been asking why
I went indifferently through clean and muddy places, "if it is only the
poetry that is working in his head!" I imagine I looked gaunt and
emaciated, for the little boys at the neighbouring cross-road used to say
when I passed by: "Oh, here is King Death again." One morning when my
father was on the way to his studio, he met his landlord who had a big
grocer's shop and they had this conversation: "will you tell me, sir, if
you think Tennyson should have been given that peerage?" "one's only doubt
is if he should have accepted it: it was a finer thing to be Alfred
Tennyson." There was a silence, and then: "well, all the people I know
think he should not have got it." Then, spitefully: "what's the good of
poetry?" "Oh, it gives our minds a great deal of pleasure." "But wouldn't
it have given your mind more pleasure if he had written an improving
book?" "Oh, in that case I should not have read it." My father returned in
the evening delighted with his story, but I could not understand how he
could take such opinions lightly and not have seriously argued with the
man. None of these people had ever seen any poet but an old white-haired
man who had written volumes of easy, too-honied verse, and run through his
money and gone clean out o