iving security, that he would vote for the court, whether he won or not;
after which, the losers had, in their turn, the liberty of raffling upon
the next vacancy. Thus, hope and expectation would be kept alive; none
would complain of broken promises, but impute their disappointments
wholly to fortune, whose shoulders are broader and stronger than those of
a ministry.

Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for discovering
plots and conspiracies against the government. He advised great
statesmen to examine into the diet of all suspected persons; their times
of eating; upon which side they lay in bed; with which hand they wipe
their posteriors; take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the
colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity
of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men
are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool,
which he found by frequent experiment; for, in such conjunctures, when he
used, merely as a trial, to consider which was the best way of murdering
the king, his ordure would have a tincture of green; but quite different,
when he thought only of raising an insurrection, or burning the
metropolis.

The whole discourse was written with great acuteness, containing many
observations, both curious and useful for politicians; but, as I
conceived, not altogether complete. This I ventured to tell the author,
and offered, if he pleased, to supply him with some additions. He
received my proposition with more compliance than is usual among writers,
especially those of the projecting species, professing "he would be glad
to receive further information."

I told him, "that in the kingdom of Tribnia, {454a} by the natives called
Langdon, {454b} where I had sojourned some time in my travels, the bulk
of the people consist in a manner wholly of discoverers, witnesses,
informers, accusers, prosecutors, evidences, swearers, together with
their several subservient and subaltern instruments, all under the
colours, the conduct, and the pay of ministers of state, and their
deputies. The plots, in that kingdom, are usually the workmanship of
those persons who desire to raise their own characters of profound
politicians; to restore new vigour to a crazy administration; to stifle
or divert general discontents; to fill their coffers with forfeitures;
and raise, or sink the opinion of public credit, as either shall