the Nome.

"Very much so," said the King.

"Well, your Majesty," remarked he of the white whiskers, "I think I
should like to undertake the job, so I'll be your General. I hate good
people; I detest happy people; I'm opposed to any one who is contented
and prosperous. That is why I am so fond of your Majesty. Make me
your General and I'll promise to conquer and destroy the Oz people. If
I fail I'm ready to be sliced thin and fed to the seven-headed dogs."

"Very good! Very good, indeed! That's the way to talk!" cried Roquat
the Red, who was greatly pleased. "What is your name, General?"

"I'm called Guph, your Majesty."

"Well, Guph, come with me to my private cave, and we'll talk it over."
Then he turned to the army. "Nomes and soldiers," said he, "you are to
obey the commands of General Guph until he becomes dog-feed. Any man
who fails to obey his new General will be promptly thrown away. You
are now dismissed."

Guph went to the King's private cave and sat down upon an amethyst
chair and put his feet on the arm of the King's ruby throne. Then he
lighted his pipe and threw the live coal he had taken from his pocket
upon the King's left foot and puffed the smoke into the King's eyes and
made himself comfortable. For he was a wise old Nome, and he knew that
the best way to get along with Roquat the Red was to show that he was
not afraid of him.

"I'm ready for the talk, your Majesty," he said.

The King coughed and looked at his new General fiercely.

"Do you not tremble to take such liberties with your monarch?" he asked.

"Oh no," replied Guph, calmly, and he blew a wreath of smoke that
curled around the King's nose and made him sneeze. "You want to
conquer the Emerald City, and I'm the only Nome in all your dominions
who can conquer it. So you will be very careful not to hurt me until I
have carried out your wishes. After that--"

"Well, what then?" inquired the King.

"Then you will be so grateful to me that you won't care to hurt me,"
replied the General.

"That is a very good argument," said Roquat. "But suppose you fail?"

"Then it's the slicing machine. I agree to that," announced Guph.
"But if you do as I tell you there will be no failure. The trouble
with you, Roquat, is that you don't think carefully enough. I do. You
would go ahead and march through your tunnel into Oz, and get defeated
and driven back. I won't. And the reason I won't is because when I
march I'll have a