struggles;
welcomed any mark of my weakness with responsive joy; and, when I was
drove again to my retrenchments, did not always dissemble her chagrin.
There were times when I have thought to myself, "If she were over head
in love, and set her cap to catch me, she would scarce behave much
otherwise"; and then I would fall again into wonder at the simplicity
of woman, from whom I felt (in these moments) that I was not worthy to
be descended.

There was one point in particular on which our warfare turned, and of
all things, this was the question of her clothes. My baggage had soon
followed me from Rotterdam, and hers from Helvoet. She had now, as it
were, two wardrobes; and it grew to be understood between us (I could
never tell how) that when she was friendly she would wear my clothes,
and when otherwise her own. It was meant for a buffet, and (as it were)
the renunciation of her gratitude; and I felt it so in my bosom, but was
generally more wise than to appear to have observed the circumstance.

Once, indeed, I was betrayed into a childishness greater than her own;
it fell in this way. On my return from classes, thinking upon her
devoutly with a great deal of love and a good deal of annoyance in the
bargain, the annoyance began to fade away out of my mind; and spying in
a window one of those forced flowers, of which the Hollanders are so
skilled in the artifice, I gave way to an impulse and bought it for
Catriona. I do not know the name of that flower, but it was of the pink
colour, and I thought she would admire the same, and carried it home to
her with a wonderful soft heart. I had left her in my clothes, and when
I returned to find her all changed, and a face to match, I cast but the
one look at her from head to foot, ground my teeth together, flung the
window open, and my flower into the court, and then (between rage and
prudence) myself out of that room again, of which I slammed the door as
I went out.

On the steep stair I came near falling, and this brought me to myself,
so that I began at once to see the folly of my conduct. I went, not into
the street as I had purposed, but to the house court, which was always a
solitary place, and where I saw my flower (that had cost me vastly more
than it was worth) hanging in the leafless tree. I stood by the side of
the canal, and looked upon the ice. Country-people went by on their
skates, and I envied them. I could see no way out of the pickle I was
in: no way so much