ast, keep your eye on ASQUITH,
And he will bring you through,
No matter what his colleagues
May say or think or do;
For in the dirtiest weather
He moulted not a feather,
And safely kept together
His variegated crow.

* * * * *

The Siamese Twin.

"DERBYSHIRE.--To sell, handsome well-built and superbly finished
semi-detached Mouse, containing two entertaining, six bed rooms,
dressing-room, and excellent bathroom."--_Advt. in "Manchester
Guardian"._

We had no idea a mouse had so much accommodation.

* * * * *

"It was our intention before now to say a kindly word for 'The New
Weekly.' We trust we are not too late yet."

_Westminster Gazette._

No. The paper after three weeks or so is still alive. But our green
contemporary should have had more confidence in it.

* * * * *

[Illustration: AN ASQUITH TO THE RESCUE!

WAR MINISTER (_to PREMIER_). "HOLD TIGHT! I'LL SEE YOU THROUGH."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE NEW "DEMOCRATISED" ARMY.

Certain officers having been guilty of the heinous offence of choosing
one of two alternatives offered them by their superiors, it is now
proposed to remodel our military system on democratic lines so as to
leave no room for suspicion of political bias.

[Major RAMSAY MACDONALD, Field-Marshal the Baron BYLES OF BRADFORD,
Lieut.-Col. Sir J. BRUNNER, Capt. JOHN WARD and Col. KEIR HARDIE.]]

* * * * *

_House of Commons, Monday, March 30._--Stirring quarter of an hour. For
dramatic surprise Drury Lane or Sadlers Wells in palmiest days not in it
with T. R. Westminster. Doors open as usual at 2.45. In a few minutes
there was standing room only. Appointed business of sitting Third
Reading of Consolidated Fund Bill. Peculiarity of this measure is that
through successive stages, each occupying a full sitting, no one even
distantly alludes to its existence or provisions. Any other subject
under the sun may, and is, talked around at length. To-day expected
that opportunity would be seized by Opposition to make fresh attack on
Government in respect of the Curragh affair and all it led to. Hence the
crowde