IAL FEATURE OF THE GENT'S READY-TO-WEAR CLOTHING
DEPARTMENT WILL BE THE ATTENDANCE, DAILY, OF A SUPER-"NUT" (FROM THE
GAIETY OR DALY'S), WHO WILL GIVE FREE ADVICE TO EACH PURCHASER OF EASTER
OUTFITS.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Golfer (who has just been run over_). "GEE! WHAT LUCK!
THAT WAS A NEAR THING. THEY MIGHT HAVE BROKEN MY PET CLEEK."]

* * * * *

BALLAD OF THE WATCHFUL EYE.

["In this crisis the best we can do is to keep our eye on Mr.
Asquith."--"_The Daily Chronicle's" report of Lord SAYE AND SELE at
Worthing._]

O keep your eye on DAVID,
The demigod of Wales,
Before whose furious onset
Dukes turn their timid tails;
Whom Merioneth mystics
Praise in delirious distichs,
And matched with whose statistics
MUNCHAUSEN'S glory pales.

O keep your eye on WINSTON,
And mind you keep it tight,
For nearly every Saturday
You'll find he takes to flight;
Now eloquent and thrilling,
Now simply cheap and filling,
And now bent on distilling
The purest Party spite.

O keep your eye on HALDANE,
Ex-Minister of War,
The sleek and supple-minded
And suave Lord Chancellor,
Whose brain, so keen and subtle,
Moves swifter than a shuttle,
Obscuring, like the cuttle,
Things that were plain before.

O keep your eye on MORLEY
(Well-known as "Honest John"),
The peccant paragrapher
Who still is holding on;
But, though his strange position
Excited some suspicion,
We've CURZON'S frank admission
Of joy he hasn't gone.

O keep your eye on LULU
Who Greater Britain sways
From distant Woolloomooloo
To Nova Scotia's bays;
Whose sumptuous urbanity,
Combined with well-groomed sanity
And freedom from profanity,
Stirs DAVID'S deep amaze.

O keep your eye on BIRRELL,
So wholly free from guile,
Conspicuous by his absence
From Erin's peaceful isle;
Who wakes from floor to rafter
The House to heedless laughter,
Careless of what comes after
Can he but raise a smile.

O keep your eye on MASTERMAN,
Dear DAVID'S henchman leal,
Whose piety and "uplift"
Make ribald Tories squeal;
In every public function
Displaying the conjunction
Of perfect moral unction
With perfect Party zeal.

L