men now
engaged in the business are all to be abolished. All the women lecturers
are to become tea-totallers, and go before their audiences laden with
packages for sale, in lots to suit, for cash. Intimations of all this we
gather from the recent news from Japan, where the agent of the Woman's
Tea Company, who has undertaken this reformation, has arrived, and been
interviewed, on her way to secure the stock. But really, if the women do
manage to give us our tea at a reasonable rate, we will buy it gladly,
even though, perhaps, we should be forced to attend the lectures in
order to obtain it. It is an ill wind which blows nobody good, even
though the tempest originates in a tea-pot.

* * * * *

The Spanish Question Settled.

AUNT BATHSHEBA'S mind is very chaotic as regards the throne of Spain.
She heard them talking about D'AOSTA for the situation, and says:--

"A Oyster sit upon the Spanish throne, my dear!--ay, ay--it just serves
the Spanish right. They was always in a Stew, and is the most
Shellfishest of people as crawls the earth!"

* * * * *

Anomalous.

A despatch announces that the Pope is about leaving Rome. As nothing is
said with regard to his Holiness's particular destination, however, it
seems as though he were about _going_ to Roam.

* * * * *

From Our Special Cockney.

If, as the _Tribune_ says, this is an "off year" with the Republicans,
shouldn't they be satisfied with an 'OFFMAN for Governor?

* * * * *

Interesting to the Public.

There is a new envelope machine now in use in the Post-Office Department
at Washington, which will dispense with the use of TOOL(E)S.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A PRACTICAL (?) SUGGESTION.

_Big Man to Little One_. "NOW THEN, HOSKINS, DON'T GO INTO COURT ABOUT
THIS MATTER, AND HAVE ALL YOUR WASH BILLS READ OUT BY THE LAWYERS. JUST
CATCH THE RASCAL AND GIVE HIM A GOOD SQUARE LICKING."]

* * * * *

[Illustration "BUSINESS FIRST."

_John Bull._ "GOT ALL THE ARMS YOU WANT?--ALL THE AMMUNITION?--ALL THE
COAL?"

_France._ "YES, ALL."

_J.B._ "AND YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING MORE FROM ME?"

_France._ "NO."

_J.B._ "THEN I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO INTERFERE."]

* * * * *

SPIFFKINS.

MR. SPIFFKINS was a reporter upon a daily newspaper. T