preach fokes fast to sleep,
Who entered his church-door.

Minnisters, in gettin hold of the public heart, resort to different
ways.

Some of 'em make love to the pretty little lambs of their flox of the
femail persuasion.

Others indulge freely in gin and milk, and get boozy, while agin some
others histe in mug after mug of lager beer, and then lay in with some
Bohemian to rite 'em up.

This gives 'em a popularity which $500 worth of paid-for advertisements
wouldent bring 'em. And their church stock goes up to 200 per cent.
above par. Big crowds rush to hear the guzzlin divine extort. And, sir!
before you know it, that preacher is richer'n mud, and just as likely as
not, owns stock in a race-course or a lager-bier brewery. Thus, as
SHAKSPEER says:--

"Their is a course somewhere which shapes
Our latter ends, ruff hue 'em
As we will. The only truble is to
Find that course--and freeze to it."

But, Master B., don't imitate any of them ere stiles.

You soot me as you are.

You hain't one of them chaps, who believes that if a man wants to be
good, he must draw down his face, and look as if he had been fetched up
on chow-chow and cider vinegar.

Long faces don't make good fokes, which reminds me that _fine feathers_
don't allers make fine birds, especcially if it's a broiled chicken full
of _fine pin feathers_.

I notiss that in your sermons you handle polerticians and bizziness men
without gloves.

Between you and I, some of them store keepers and eatin house chaps on
Broadway, N.Y., go on the principle--give as little as they can, for as
much as they can squeeze out of their customers.

Up to DELMONICO'S you can buy an apple dumplin for $3.00, and 25 cents
extra for a tooth-pick, while at some other places it costs a man 1/2 a
dollar to poke his head into a store door.

I went into an ice cream saloon on B'way last time I was in N.Y.

They asked me 50 cents for a plate of ice cream.

When I was leavin, the proprieter accused me of stealin his dish.

I indignantly scorned his vile insineration.

Next mornin, I was pickin out a holler tooth, when sumthing hard struck
my tooth-pick.

I pulled out my jack-nife, and dug it out. To my cerprise, the missin
dish came forth, which had been wedged into the cavity beneath a 75 cent
piece of pie.

I notiss you draw big houses.

Outsiders grumble some, because they can't go into your church and take
the best seats, and crowd out regul