right side." Wars
of conquest are never right. Thieving other people's lands is an
abominable crime. The Jews had absolutely no claim to the territory
they took possession of, and which they manured with the blood of its
rightful owners. We know they said that God told them to requisition
that fine little landed estate of Canaan. Half the thieves in history
have said the same thing. We don't believe them. God never told any man
to rob his neighbor, and whoever says so lies. The thief's statement
does not suffice. Let him produce better evidence. A rascal who steals
and murders cannot be believed on his oath, and 'tis more likely that he
is a liar than that God is a scoundrel.

Talmage celebrates "five great victories" of Joshua. He omits two mighty
achievements. General Joshua circumcised a million and a half Jews in a
single day. His greatest battle never equalled that wonderful feat. The
amputations were done at the rate of over a thousand a minute. Samson's
jaw-bone was nothing to Joshua's knife. This surprising old Jew was as
great in oratory as in surgery. On one occasion he addressed an audience
of three millions, and everyone heard him. His voice must have reached
two or three miles. No wonder the walls of Jericho fell down when Joshua
joined in the shout. We dare say the Jews wore ear-preservers to guard
their tympanums against the dreadful artillery of his speech.

Joshua's first victory, says Tahnage, was conquering the spring freshet
of Jordan. As a matter of fact, Jehovah transacted that little affair.
See, says Talmage, "one mile ahead go two priests carrying a _glittering
box_ four feet long and two feet wide. It is the Ark of the Covenant."
He forgets to add that the Jew God was supposed to be inside it. Jack in
the box is nothing to God in a box. What would have happened if the Ark
had been buried with Jehovah safely fastened in? Would his godship
have mouldered to dust? In that case he would never have seduced a
carpenter's wife, and there would have been no God the Son as the fruit
of his adultery.

Talmage credits General Joshua with the capture of Jericho. The Bible
says that Jehovah overcame it. Seven priests went blowing rams' horns
round the city for seven days. On the seventh day they went round it
seven times. It must have been tiresome work, for Jericho was a large
city several miles in circumference. But priests are always good
"Walkers." After the last blowing of horns all the Jews shouted