spread too thick.

* * * * *

It is rumoured that the freedom of Hunstanton is to be conferred on the
KAISER.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE BULL-DOG BREED.

_Officer._ "NOW, MY LAD, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PLACED HERE FOR?"

_Recruit._ "TO PREVENT THE HENEMY FROM LANDIN', SIR."

_Officer._ "AND DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD PREVENT HIM LANDING ALL BY
YOURSELF?"

_Recruit._ "DON'T KNOW, SIR, I'M SURE. BUT I'D HAVE A DAM GOOD TRY!"

* * * * *

"BUSINESS AS USUAL."

Corkey is the School Attendance Officer and a terror to every boy in the
neighbourhood. He looks at the truant and says fiercely, "Where was
you?" Then he wags a savage finger at him. "Yes, you was," he says, "you
was, you know you was. I caught you in the hact." No boy has ever been
known to withstand him.

Yet Corkey has a heart.

William Frederick Wright is our chief boy scout. In the first great days
of the war, William was on duty at a railway bridge up the line. Local
fame placed him somewhere between FRENCH and KITCHENER. Sent to round up
the truant, Corkey reported in glowing words, "_Guarding his country._"

A second week's absence produced the same report. Then business instinct
began to war with patriotism in the breast of Corkey. During the third
week he once more looked the culprit up.

His report was grim and terse. "_Warned him_," he wrote.

On the following Monday William sadly returned.

* * * * *

THE AWAKENING.

Ere our lesson to the KAISER,
Self-anointed Lord of Earth,
Left that furious monarch wiser
_Re_ our troops' intrinsic worth,
Frankly, I had thought you flighty,
Callous to the very core;
Lovely?--yes, like Aphrodite;
Nothing more.

Later, when you slaked your thirsting
For an apron, cuffs and cap,
Long before the war-cloud, bursting,
Made a mess of Europe's map,
Though your mind showed some improvement,
Lady, I conceived you had
Joined a purely social movement
For a fad.

Now the scales at length uplifted
From my eyes in you reveal,
Verily, a woman gifted
With the power to help and heal.
So I send, for shame, these verses
Where you brave the battle's brunt,
One of England's noble Nurses
At the front.

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's St