h member of this household, so that every
man's cake should, by an easy process in the making, come off the fire
indelibly engraved with the evidence of its destiny. Mr. Pedagog's iron,
for instance, might have upon it a school-book rampant, or a large head
in the same condition. Mr. Whitechoker's cake-mark might be a pulpit
rampant, based upon a vestryman dormant. The Doctor might have a lozengy
shield with a suitable tincture, while my genial friend who occasionally
imbibes could have a barry shield surmounted by a small effigy of
Gambrinus."

"You appear to know something of heraldry," said the poet, with a look of
surprise.

"I know something of everything," said the Idiot, complacently.

"It's a pity you don't know everything about something," sneered the
Doctor.

"I would suggest," said the School-Master, dryly, "that a little rampant
jackass would make a good crest for your cakes."

"That's a very good idea," said the Idiot. "I do not know but that a
jackass rampant would be about as comprehensive of my virtues as anything
I might select. The jackass is a combination of all the best qualities.
He is determined. He minds his own business. He doesn't indulge in
flippant conversation. He is useful. Has no vices, never pretends to be
anything but a jackass, and most respectfully declines to be ridden by
Tom, Dick, and Harry. I accept the suggestion of Mr. Pedagog with thanks.
But we are still ramifying. Let us get back to inventions. Now I fully
believe that the time is coming when some inventive genius will devise a
method whereby intellect can be given to those who haven't any. I believe
that the time is coming when the secrets of the universe will be yielded
up to man by nature."

[Illustration: "DECLINES TO BE RIDDEN"]

"And then?" queried Mr. Brief.

"Then some man will try to improve on the secrets of the universe. He
will try to invent an apparatus by means of which the rotation of the
world may be made faster or slower, according to his will. If he has but
one day, for instance, in which to do a stated piece of work, and he
needs two, he will put on some patent brake and slow the world up until
the distance travelled in one hour shall be reduced one-half, so that one
hour under the old system will be equivalent to two; or if he is
anticipating some joy, some diversion in the future, the same smart
person will find a way to increase the speed of the earth so that the
hours will be like minutes. Then