so I determined to make a detour. Perhaps some of you
young people do not know what a detour means. It means, when in such a
position as I was, to get up and go the other way. So I detoured. The
chaplain of our regiment detoured also; he could detour a little
faster than I, and was directly in front of me when a shell caught up
with me and took my leg off just above the knee. You may notice I walk
very lame." (Which he did just then for effect). "Well, the same shell
took off the chaplain's leg, and we tumbled into a heap. The surgeon
came up, and having a little too much booze, he got things mixed; he
put the chaplain's leg on me and my leg on the chaplain. We were in
good health, and the legs grew on all right. When I recovered, I
concluded to celebrate my restoration to usefulness, so I went into a
saloon and said to the bartender, 'Give me some good old brandy.' He
set out the bottle, and I began to fill the glass, when that
chaplain's leg began to kick. The chaplain was a very ardent
temperance man, and the first thing I knew, that temperance leg was
making for the door, and I followed. But what do you think? As I went
out, I met my leg bringing the chaplain in."

That's a very absurd story, a rather ridiculous one, but if the
surgeon had made the mistake Mr. Beard charged, he would not have made
any greater than is made every day at the marriage altar. Young women,
I would not silence the love songs in your hopeful hearts, but I would
have every betrothed girl demand of her lover not only a loving heart,
but a well rounded character and a reasonable store of useful
knowledge.

A writer on this question said: "This progress of woman lessens mother
love in our country." Is that true? Before the opening of a southern
exposition, a mother of four boys applied for and was engaged as chime
bell ringer. Perhaps some saw in the selection a woman as brazen as
the bells she would ring. On opening day she played, "He who watches
over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps"; on New York day she played,
"Yankee Doodle" and "Hail Columbia;" on Pennsylvania day, "The Star
Spangled Banner;" on Kentucky day, "My Old Kentucky Home;" on Maryland
day, "Maryland, my Maryland;" on Georgia day, "The Girl I Left Behind
Me;" on colored people's day, the airs of the old plantation; on
newsboy's day, "The Bowery" and "Sunshine of Paradise Alley;" then
"Nearer, my God, to Thee," "Rock of Ages, Cleft For Me," soothed the
tired Christian heart.