could put away the
entire clergy of the United States and half the deacons without an
effort. He was nibbling at a missionary-bone when he spoke, and the
old woman was making a new club out of another one. They are an
economical people. They utilize everything."

_S_. "This is the most painful intelligence that I ever received. If I
felt certain about it, I would remain at home."

_Capt_. "Don't let me induce you to throw the thing up. I wouldn't a
told you, anyway, only you kind of drew the information out of me. And
as long as I've gone this far, I might as well tell you that I got a
letter the other day from a man who'd just come from there, and he
said the crops were short, eatable people were scarce, and not one of
them savages had had a square meal for months. When he left, they
were sitting on the rocks, hungry as thunder, waiting for a
missionary-society ship to arrive. And now I must be going.
Good-bye. I know I'll never see you again. Take a last look at me.
Good-morning."

Then the captain hobbled off.

Mr. Spooner has concluded to stay at home and teach school.

* * * * *

Another rather more enthusiastic friend of the savage is Mr. Dodge. He
came into the office the _Patriot_ one day and sought a desk where a
reporter was writing. Seating himself and tilting the chair until
it was nicely balanced upon two legs, he smiled a serene and
philanthropic smile, and said,

"You see, I'm the friend of the poor Indian; he regards me as his
Great White Brother, and I reciprocate his confidence and affection
by doing what I can to alleviate his sufferings in his present
unfortunate situation. Young man, you do not know the anguish that
fills the soul of the red man as civilization makes successive inroads
upon his rights. It is too sacred for exhibition. He represses his
emotion sternly, and we philanthropists only detect it by observing
that he betrays an increased longing for firewater and an aggravated
indisposition to wash himself. Now, what do you suppose is the _last_
sorrow that has come to blast the happiness of this persecuted being?
What do you think it is?"

"I don't know, and I don't care."

"I will tell you. It is the increasing tendency of the white man to
baldness. As civilization pushes upward, the hair of the pale face
recedes. Eventually, I suppose, about every other white man will be
bald. I notice that even you are gradually being reduced to a mere
fringe