ve?
What'll you charge me for them--for the whole four?"

_Mix_. "Well, I'll put you in those three headstones--"

[Illustration: A TOMBSTONE CONTRACT]

_Mrs. B. "Four_ headstones, Mr. Mix, not three."

_Mix_. "Four, was it? No; there was John and Thomas and Alexander P.
That's all you said, I think. Only three."

_Mrs. B_. "Why, I want one for Adolph too, as a matter of course, the
same as the others. I thought you knew I wanted one for Adolph, one
made just like John's, only with the name different. Adolph was my
fourth husband. He died about three years after I buried Philip, and
I'm wearing mourning for him now. Now, please give me your prices for
the whole of them."

_Mix_. "Well, madam, I want to be as reasonable as I can, and I tell
you what I'll do. You give me all your work in the future, and I'll
put you in those five headstones at hardly anything above cost; say--"

_Mrs. B_. "_Four_ headstones, not five."

_Mix_. "I think you mentioned five."

_Mrs. B_. "No; only four."

_Mix_. "Less see: there was John, and Thomas and Aleck, and Adolph and
Philip."

_Mrs. B_. "Yes, but Aleck and Philip were the same one. His middle
name was Philip, and I always called him by it."

_Mix_. "Mrs. Banger, I'll be much obliged to you if you'll tell me
precisely how many husbands you have planted up in that cemetery lot.
This thing's getting a little mixed."

_Mrs. B_. "What do you mean, sir, by saying planted? I never 'planted'
anybody. It's disgraceful to use such language."

_Mix_. "It's a technical term, madam. We always use it, and I don't
see as it's going to hurt any old row of fellows named Smyth. Planted
is good enough for other men, and it's good enough for them."

_Mrs. B_. "Old row of--What d'you mean, you impudent vagabond? I
wouldn't let you put a headstone on one of my graves if you'd do it
for nothing."

Then Mrs. Banger flounced out of the shop, and Mix called after her as
she went through the door,

"Lemme know when you go for another man, and I'll throw him in a
tombstone for a wedding-present He'll want it soon."

Mrs. Banger subsequently procured the services of a person in the
city, and she regards Mr. Mix with something like detestation.

But Mrs. Banger herself is not universally beloved. Colonel Coffin
knows of one woman who despises her methods and desires her complete
repression. A short time after the election of the colonel to the
Legislature a lady called to see him at his la