_That_'s what none of the First-class Counties have done.
'Tis clear that Young Zummerset knows "how to do it."
Bravo, PALAIRET, WOODS, TYLER, ROE, HEWITT!
Go on in this fashion, and soon you'll be reckoned
Among the First-Classers, instead of the Second.
Wet wickets this season, boys, seldom a rummer set,
But they anyhow seem to have suited Young Zummerset!

* * * * *

THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE.

(_BEFORE_ MR. COMMISSIONER PUNCH.)

_A Medical Officer (with martial manner, and well set up)
introduced._

_The Commissioner_. Well, Sir--may I call you Colonel?--what can I do
for you?

_Medical Officer_ (_smiling_). I am afraid, Sir, you may give me no
military rank, as it would be contrary to the Regulations.

_The Com._ Have I not the pleasure of addressing a soldier?

[Illustration]

_Med. Off._ Well, yes, Sir, I suppose I may claim that title. I
am an Army Surgeon, and in that capacity have not only to risk my
life equally with my comrades in the field, but have to brave the
additional danger inseparable from the fever-wards of a hospital. As
a matter of fact many of my colleagues have earned the V.C., and not
a few taken command when their aid was needed. I hope you have not
forgotten ANTHONY HOME WYLIE and MACKINNON.

_The Com._ Certainly not--they are gallant fellows. Well, I am sorry
to see you here, Doctor--what can I do for you?

_Med. Off._ I would ask your good services, Sir, to get us greater
recognition in the Army. Pray understand we do not wish to be called
Captain, Major, or Colonel, merely to "peacock" before civilians,
but because, without official recognition of our true status, we are
treated as inferior beings by the youngest subaltern in any battalion
to which we may be attached.

_The Com._ Surely, Doctor, the title you have secured by scientific
attainments, takes precedence of all others more easily obtained?

_Med. Off._ Possibly, in a College common-room, but not at a
mess-table of a _depot_ centre. That I express the general opinion of
members of my profession is proved by the fact that it is shared by
Sir ANDREW CLARK, the President of the Royal College of Physicians.

_The Com._ Well, what would you propose?

_Med. Off._ That we should be put on the same footing so far as
rank is concerned, with officers in the Commissariat and other
non-actively-combatant branches of the Army. We are merely fighting
the fight fought ye