o fried eggs for your breakfast tomorrow. It was
a case of Excelsior wi dhat ambitious baste; for not content wid
jumpin from the back seat into the front wan, he jumped from the
front wan into the road in front of the car. And--

KEEGAN. And everybody laughed!

NORA. Don't go over that again, please, Mr Doran.

DORAN. Faith be the time the car went over the poor pig dhere was
little left for me or anywan else to go over except wid a knife
an fork.

AUNT JUDY. Why didn't Mr Broadbent stop the car when the pig was
gone?

DORAN. Stop the car! He might as well ha thried to stop a mad
bull. First it went wan way an made fireworks o Molly Ryan's
crockery stall; an dhen it slewed round an ripped ten fut o wall
out o the corner o the pound. [With enormous enjoyment] Begob, it
just tore the town in two and sent the whole dam market to
blazes. [Nora offended, rises].

KEEGAN [indignantly]. Sir!

DORAN [quickly]. Savin your presence, Miss Reilly, and Misther
Keegan's. Dhere! I won't say anuddher word.

NORA. I'm surprised at you, Mr Doran. [She sits down again].

DORAN [refectively]. He has the divil's own luck, that
Englishman, annyway; for when they picked him up he hadn't a
scratch on him, barrn hwat the pig did to his cloes. Patsy had
two fingers out o jynt; but the smith pulled them sthraight for
him. Oh, you never heard such a hullaballoo as there was. There
was Molly, cryin Me chaney, me beautyful chaney! n oul Mat
shoutin Me pig, me pig! n the polus takin the number o the car, n
not a man in the town able to speak for laughin--

KEEGAN [with intense emphasis]. It is hell: it is hell. Nowhere
else could such a scene be a burst of happiness for the people.

Cornelius comes in hastily from the garden, pushing his way
through the little crowd.

CORNELIUS. Whisht your laughin, boys! Here he is. [He puts his
hat on the sideboard, and goes to the fireplace, where he posts
himself with his back to the chimneypiece].

AUNT JUDY. Remember your behavior, now.

Everybody becomes silent, solemn, concerned, sympathetic.
Broadbent enters, roiled and disordered as to his motoring coat:
immensely important and serious as to himself. He makes his way
to the end of the table nearest the garden door, whilst Larry,
who accompanies him, throws his motoring coat on the sofa bed,
and sits down, watching the proceedings.

BROADBENT [taking off his leather cap with dignity and placing it
on the table]. I hope you have not be