e one witty or
clever remark. Let it be as impertinent and malicious as you like, so
long as it is funny and original. Won't you perform this miracle, just
once, to surprise us and make us laugh? Or else you might think of some
little thing which you could all do together, something to make you stir
about. Let the girls admire you for once in their lives! Listen to me!
I suppose you want them to like you? Then why don't try to make them do
it? Oh, dear! There is something wrong with you all! You are a lot of
sleepy stick-in-the-muds! I have told you so a thousand times and shall
always go on repeating it; there is something wrong with every one of
you; something wrong, wrong, wrong!

Enter IVANOFF and SHABELSKI through the door on the right.

SHABELSKI. Who is making a speech here? Is it you, Sasha? [He laughs and
shakes hands with her] Many happy returns of the day, my dear child. May
you live as long as possible in this life, but never be born again!

ZINAIDA. [Joyfully] My dear Count!

LEBEDIEFF. Who can this be? Not you, Count?

SHABELSKI. [Sees ZINAIDA and MARTHA sitting side by side] Two gold mines
side by side! What a pleasant picture it makes! [He shakes hands with
ZINAIDA] Good evening, Zuzu! [Shakes hands with MARTHA] Good evening,
Birdie!

ZINAIDA. I am charmed to see you, Count. You are a rare visitor here
now. [Calls] Gabriel, bring some tea! Please sit down.

She gets up and goes to the door and back, evidently much preoccupied.
SASHA sits down in her former place. IVANOFF silently shakes hands with
every one.

LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] What miracle has brought you here? You have
given us a great surprise. Why, Count, you're a rascal, you haven't been
treating us right at all. [Leads him forward by the hand] Tell me, why
don't you ever come to see us now? Are you offended?

SHABELSKI. How can I get here to see you? Astride a broomstick? I have
no horses of my own, and Nicholas won't take me with him when he goes
out. He says I must stay at home to amuse Sarah. Send your horses for me
and I shall come with pleasure.

LEBE DIEFF. [With a wave of the hand] Oh, that is easy to say! But Zuzu
would rather have a fit than lend the horses to any one. My dear,
dear old friend, you are more to me than any one I know! You and I are
survivors of those good old days that are gone forever, and you alone
bring back to my mind the love and longings of my lost youth. Of course
I am only joking, and yet, do you