olvers. Near
the papers stand a lamp, a decanter of vodka, and a plate of salted
herrings. Pieces of bread and cucumber are scattered about. SHABELSKI
and LEBEDIEFF are sitting at the writing-table. BORKIN is sitting
astride a chair in the middle of the room. PETER is standing near the
door.

LEBEDIEFF. The policy of France is clear and definite; the French know
what they want: it is to skin those German sausages, but the Germans
must sing another song; France is not the only thorn in their flesh.

SHABELSKI. Nonsense! In my opinion the Germans are cowards and the
French are the same. They are showing their teeth at one another, but
you can take my word for it, they will not do more than that; they'll
never fight!

BORKIN. Why should they fight? Why all these congresses, this arming and
expense? Do you know what I would do in their place? I would catch all
the dogs in the kingdom and inoculate them with Pasteur's serum, then I
would let them loose in the enemy's country, and the enemies would all
go mad in a month.

LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] His head is small, but the great ideas are hidden
away in it like fish in the sea!

SHABELSKI. Oh, he is a genius.

LEBEDIEFF. Heaven help you, Misha, you are a funny chap. [He stops
laughing] But how is this, gentlemen? Here we are talking Germany,
Germany, and never a word about vodka! Repetatur! [He fills three
glasses] Here's to you all! [He drinks and eats] This herring is the
best of all relishes.

SHABELSKI. No, no, these cucumbers are better; every wise man since the
creation of the world has been trying to invent something better than
a salted cucumber, and not one has succeeded. [To PETER] Peter, go and
fetch some more cucumbers. And Peter, tell the cook to make four little
onion pasties, and see that we get them hot.

PETER goes out.

LEBEDIEFF. Caviar is good with vodka, but it must be prepared with
skill. Take a quarter of a pound of pressed caviar, two little onions,
and a little olive oil; mix them together and put a slice of lemon on
top--so! Lord! The very perfume would drive you crazy!

BORKIN. Roast snipe are good too, but they must be cooked right. They
should first be cleaned, then sprinkled with bread crumbs, and roasted
until they will crackle between the teeth--crunch, crunch!

SHABELSKI. We had something good at Martha's yesterday: white mushrooms.

LEBEDIEFF. You don't say so!

SHABELSKI. And they were especially well prepared, too, with onions