d clasped her
arms around me, I was enabled again to decide for God and heaven. This
decision was so thoroughly burned in upon my soul by those scalding
tears that, by the grace of God, I believe it will last from that day to
my latest breath. The sweet joy and peace of heaven was restored and I
believe I enjoyed salvation as much as anyone could in my circumstances.
I knew I was a child of God, but it was not long until I became fully
conscious that there was a deeper work of grace needed within me. My
parents both professed entire sanctification at the time of the
conversion of the four oldest children, which included myself, but my
life was much occupied in securing an education, and having but limited
opportunities I was absorbed mostly with my studies, then afterward
became engaged in educational work for a number of years. It needed no
arguments to prove that my parents possessed a deeper spiritual life
than I did, and although the doctrine of sanctification was not so
clearly taught and understood then as now, yet I was fully aware this
was what I needed. Sometimes I thought I had obtained the experience,
but soon it was proved by unmistakable evidence that I was not
sanctified. I had not come to the point of a definite and absolute
consecration, and really did not understand how to make this
consecration. My great ambition in life was to make a mark in the world.
This was so deeply implanted within me that I caused every energy to
bend in that direction. I dearly loved God and fully realized my utter
dependence upon him, but my love was not perfected. Then unfortunately I
had a quick temper, which I found justification had not destroyed. It
was materially repressed and generally held under control, but it was
there and needed only the provocation to assert its presence; and
sometimes, I am sorry to say, it brought me under condemnation and I had
cause to repent and regain the sweet peace of God.

But the manner of my life, I believe, as a whole, was such that none of
my most intimate acquaintances had any reason to question the sincerity
of my heart or my profession as a Christian. The one who was most
dissatisfied with my inward condition was myself, and for more than
eight years I knew that a deeper work must be wrought before I could be
satisfied. Oh, how truly I could understand the prayer of David when he
so longed for a clean heart; and had I been brought to the knowledge of
the complete consecration, I mi