mper._

_"That's right," says his wife with hideous irony. "Put yer betters to
rights, Schooly. Ugh, I wonder yer dare! An' wot do you know about
it, you hugly worm?"_

_Stung to the quick by the painful accuracy of this appellative, her
husband was understood to mutter that he had rather be an ill-favoured
worm than an overdressed parrot with a swollen head._

_Only waiting to throw a glass of water in his direction, the
dream-child demanded my ruling in a voice shaking with indignation._

_I immediately declared in favour of "gouge"--a decision for which Mr.
Slumper, to whom victory is even more terrible than defeat, will thank
me yet._

_Of such is my life. Either Saturday or Sunday afternoon I go off
duty. Then I dive into the country and visit my dog, who is well cared
for. We spend a hilarious few hours, and Lancaster Gate is never
mentioned. In the servants' hall, by the way, I am credited with a
delicate wife--an impression which I have taken care not to correct,
for where there are gathered together eight single ladies,_ les
avantages de manage _cannot be over-estimated._

_And now I must take up the tea._

_If ever you receive this letter, find time to reply. I know I have
spoken ill of your hand-writing, but I take it all back._

Bien a toi, vieux sot,
_ANTHONY LYVEDEN._

Anthony, then, was surveying himself, if you remember, in a long
mirror. He had just taken up the tea. He was taking a second look at
what he could see of his back, when the front-door bell rang. Even at
this elevation there was no mistaking its deep peremptory note.
Lyveden descended the stairs.

He opened the door faultlessly to find himself face to face with a man
who had been his first servant when his battery had been in France.

For a moment the two footmen stared at one another. Then--

"Glad to see you, Walters," said Lyveden heartily.

"Same to you, sir," said Walters, touching his hat. "An', beggin' your
pardon, sir, is Lady 'Elen at 'ome?"

"There's no Lady Helen here," said Lyveden. "This is Mrs. Slumper's
house."

"Oh, very good, sir," said Walters jerkily. "Sorry to 'ave troubled
you, sir." He touched his hat and turned away nervously....

Anthony continued to hold the door open till the car should have passed
on.

Walters was making his report. It appeared that this was
unsatisfactory, for a moment later he was again at the door.

"Excuse me, sir, but would you speak to my lady?"