lve years, and then broke his heart
because he was turned out without a penny; if you see a plain man hang
down his head as he comes out of some nobleman's gate, say to him, Good
worthy sir, I beg your pardon, but I am a poor ruined tradesman, that
once was in a good business, but the great people would not pay me. And
if you see a pretty woman with a dejected look, send your sister that is
at hand, to complain to her of a bad husband, that gets drunk and beats
her; that runs to whores, and has spent all her substance: there are but
two things that can make a handsome woman melancholy: the having a bad
husband, or the having no husband at all; if the first of these is the
case, one of the former crimes will touch her to the quick, and loosen
the strings of her purse; in the other, let a second distressed object
tell her she was to have been married well, but that her lover died a
week before; one way or other the tender heart of the female will be
melted, and the reward will be handsome. If you meet a homely, but
dressed-up lady, pray for her lovely face, and beg a penny; if you see a
mark of delicacy by the drawing up of the nose, send somebody to show her
a sore leg, a scalded head, or a rupture. If you are happy enough to
fall in with a tender husband leading his big wife to church, send
companions that have but one arm, or two thumbs, or tell her of some
monstrous child you have brought forth, and the good man will pay you to
be gone, if he gives slightly, it is but following, getting before the
lady, and talking louder, and you may depend upon his searching his
pocket to better purpose a second time. There are many more things of
which I have to speak, but my feeble tongue will not hold out. Profit by
these: they will be found sufficient, and if they prove to you, my
children, what they have been to me these eighteen years, I shall not
repine at my dissolution."

Here he paused for some time, being almost spent: then, recovering his
voice and spirits, he thus began again: "As I find the lamp of life is
not quite extinguished, I shall employ the little that remains in saying
a few words of my public conduct as your king. I call heaven to witness,
that I have loved you all with a paternal love: these now feeble limbs
and broken spirits have been worn out in providing for your welfare, and
often have these dim eyes watched while you have slept, with a father's
care for your safety. I call you all to witness that