* * * * *

[Illustration: _Fair Hostess_ (_entertaining wounded soldier_). "And so
one Jack Johnson buried you, and the next dug you up again and landed
you on the top of a barn! Now, what were your feelings?"

_Tommy._ "If you'll believe me, Ma'am, I was never more surprised in all
my life."]

* * * * *

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS.

It has come as an immense relief to all true lovers of peace to learn
that such German soldiers as have been taking part in the war on the
Italian frontier have previously resigned their positions in the
KAISER'S army and been re-enrolled under the Austrian flag, so that no
untoward incident may disturb the profound peace which exists between
Germany and Italy. All the same there are elements of possible danger in
the situation which should be carefully watched. We look forward to a
time when our gallant ally may be confidently expected to advance on to
German soil, and we think it would be well for the authorities at Rome
(unless the invading host is provided with Montenegrin uniforms) to
serve out beforehand a large number of tourist coupons, available over a
wide choice of different routes. This might avert the terrible
consequences that are likely to follow a breach of relations.

Of course it must be remembered that Italy has now signed on not to
enter into a separate peace, and no doubt the only true economy is to
make the present one go as far as possible, as it cannot be replaced.
Still, since the sinking of the _Ancona_ by a German crew (partially
whitewashed so as to look like Austrians), Italy's neutrality has become
of an extremely virulent order.

We need hardly say that President WILSON even on his honeymoon is
closely watching the situation and thinking over it very deeply, very
slowly and very calmly, hoping to discover hints for his own future
guidance. It is said that he feels himself being drawn more and more
into the vortex, and his attitude of passive belligerency may be
followed by one of aggressive non-interference. It is common knowledge
in Washington that if he can get no satisfaction on the _Ancona_
question he will either despatch a new note (which will be _almost_ an
ultimatum) or simply pass on and declare war on Albania.

Portugal (as the ancient ally of Great Britain), who has already been
involved in a scrap with German troops in Angola, is naturally deeply
exercised as to what are her pres