C. Owen Tyrrell_ (_late of Carpentaria Telegraphs_): "Down-under it
is usually 125 in the shade. But thin it is dry heat, you are niver
sinsible of ut."

_Corpl. James Brown_ (_late Tram Conductor, Vancouver_): "In B.C. we
stake upon 312 to 314 rainy days in the year. But it is dry rain, it
don't wet you."

***

In an article on the employment of women as dentists, the writer says:
"A new charm has been added to the delights of dentistry." Optimist!

***

He also says that one lady "extracted 38 teeth from nine patients, and
showed little signs of fatigue from it, either." But what about the
nine?

***

We observe that Mr. PEARCE, the Commonwealth Minister of Defence, fell
while in his garden and broke two of his ribs, but are glad to learn
that his condition is not serious. The conjunction of a rib, a garden,
and a fall has in at least one previous case resulted in permanent
injury.

***

A martyr to insomnia threatens, unless the Government stops the
whistling for taxis, to let Mr. MCKENNA whistle for his.

***

Our men in the trenches are beginning to welcome the German gas-attacks.
They say there is nothing like them for keeping down the rats.

***

Suggested motto for the controversy between the headmasters as to the
publication of Public School Rolls of Honour--"Quot dominies tot
santentiae."

* * * * *

THE NEW LEAF.

[Illustration: Fancy portrait of Prussian poet preparing to write a Hymn
of Love--in case it should be wanted.]

* * * * *

Note.

The "Wingfield House" mentioned in the article "Cases," which appeared
in _Punch_ a fortnight ago, was a purely imaginary name and had nothing
to do with the Wingfield House, near Trowbridge, where a hospital has
for some time been established.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Juvenile War Lord._. "'Ere! Someone else 'ave a go--I'm
sick o' war. It ain't in reason ter expect a bloke ter be the Kaiser
three days running!"]

* * * * *

THE VINDICATION OF JIMMY.

In one corner of the school play-ground stood a small boy in deep
dejection, with his hands in his pockets, his lower lip trembling
slightly, whilst he strove to kick a hole in the ground with his right
toe. It was Jimmy--Jimmy in his hour of trial.

He wasn't going to blub, he wasn't going to do anything.

Suddenly he