n breast, and all
that. 'Pon my life, I never saw you so cut up before. What is it?"

Jack took his pipe from his mouth, rubbed his forehead violently,
stared at me for a few moments, and then slowly ejaculated.

"There's a beastly row--tremendous--no end--that's what there is."

"A row?"

"Yes--no end of a row."

"Who? What? Which of them?"

"All of them. Yesterday, and to-day, and to be continued to-morrow.
Such is life. Sic transit, et cetera. Good Lord! Macrorie, what's a
fellow to do but drown himself? Yes, my boy--oblivion! that's what I
want. And I'll have it. This life isn't the thing for me. I was never
made to be badgered. The chief end of man is for other things than
getting snubbed by woman. And I'm not going to stand it. Here, close
by, is a convenient river. I'll seek an acquaintance with its icy tide,
rather than have another day like this."

"But I'm all in the dark. Tell what it is that has happened."

Jack inhaled a few more whiffs of the smoke that cheers but not
inebriates, and then found voice to speak:

"You see it began yesterday. I started off at peace with the world, and
went most dutifully to call on Miss Phillips. Well, I went in and found
her as cool as an icicle. I didn't know what was up, and proceeded to
do the injured innocent. Whereupon she turned upon me, and gave it to
me then and there, hot and heavy. I didn't think it was in her. I
really didn't--by Jove! The way she gave it to me," and Jack paused in
wonder.

"What about?" said I.

"The widow!" groaned Jack.

"The widow?" I repeated.

"Yes--the widow."

"But how did she hear about it so soon?"

"Oh, easy enough. It's all over town now, you know. Her friends here
heard of it, and some were incredulous, and others were indignant. At
any rate, both classes rushed with delightful unanimity to inform her,
so you may imagine the state of mind I found her in.

"You can easily imagine what she said. I don't think much of your
imagination, Macrorie, but in this case it don't require a very vivid
one. The worst of it is, she was quite right to feel indignant. The
only thing about it all that gave me the smallest relief, was the fact
that she didn't do the pathetic. She didn't shed a tear. She simply
questioned me. She was as stiff as a ramrod, and as cold as a stone.
There was no mercy in her, and no consideration for a fellow's
feelings. She succeeded in making out that I was the most contemptible
fellow living."

"An