ave managed by this time
to catch a glimpse of her? I didn't fear things then," I added. "I
hadn't the same reason."

He kissed me at this, and when I remembered that she had done so an hour
or two before I felt for an instant as if he were taking from my lips
the very pressure of hers. In spite of kisses the incident had shed a
certain chill, and I suffered horribly from the sense that he had seen
me guilty of a fraud. He had seen it only through my frank avowal, but
I was as unhappy as if I had a stain to efface. I couldn't get over the
manner of his looking at me when I spoke of her apparent indifference to
his not having come.

For the first time since I had known him he seemed to have expressed
a doubt of my word. Before we parted I told him that I would undeceive
her, start the first thing in the morning for Richmond and there let
her know that he had been blameless. At this he kissed me again. I
would expiate my sin, I said; I would humble myself in the dust; I would
confess and ask to be forgiven. At this he kissed me once more.

V

In the train the next day this struck me as a good deal for him to have
consented to; but my purpose was firm enough to carry me on. I mounted
the long hill to where the view begins, and then I knocked at her door.
I was a trifle mystified by the fact that her blinds were still drawn,
reflecting that if in the stress of my compunction I had come early I
had certainly yet allowed people time to get up.

"At home, mum? She has left home for ever."

I was extraordinarily startled by this announcement of the elderly
parlour-maid. "She has gone away?"

"She's dead, mum, please." Then as I gasped at the horrible word: "She
died last night."

The loud cry that escaped me sounded even in my own ears like some harsh
violation of the hour. I felt for the moment as if I had killed her; I
turned faint and saw through a vagueness the woman hold out her arms to
me. Of what next happened I have no recollection, nor of anything but my
friend's poor stupid cousin, in a darkened room, after an interval that
I suppose very brief, sobbing at me in a smothered accusatory way. I
can't say how long it took me to understand, to believe and then to
press back with an immense effort that pang of responsibility which,
superstitiously, insanely had been at first almost all I was conscious
of. The doctor, after the fact, had been superlatively wise and clear:
he was satisfied of a long-latent wea