n a thriving condition, wearing his own hair on his head, the proper
branches of this reasoning vegetable, till the ax of intemperance has
lopped off his green boughs, and left him a withered trunk; he then
flies to art, and puts on a periwig, valuing himself upon an unnatural
bundle of hairs, all covered with powder, that never grew on his head;
but now should this our broomstick pretend to enter the scene, proud
of those birchen spoils it never bore, and all covered with dust,
through the sweepings of the finest lady's chamber, we should be apt
to ridicule and despise its vanity. Partial judges that we are of our
own excellences, and other men's defaults!

But a broomstick, perhaps you will say, is an emblem of a tree
standing on its head; and pray what is a man but a topsy-turvy
creature, his animal faculties perpetually mounted on his rational,
his head where his heels should be, groveling on the earth? And yet,
with all his faults, he sets up to be a universal reformer and
corrector of abuses, a remover of grievances; rakes into every slut's
corner of nature, bringing hidden corruptions to the light; and raises
a mighty dust where there was none before, sharing deeply all the
while in the very same pollutions he pretends to sweep away. His last
days are spent in slavery to women, and generally the least deserving;
till, worn to the stumps, like his brother besom, he is either kicked
out-of-doors, or made use of to kindle flames for others to warm
themselves by.

V

GULLIVER AMONG THE GIANTS[114]

My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of towardly
parts for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in
dressing her baby. Her mother and she contrived to fit up the baby's
cradle for me against night; the cradle was put into a small drawer of
a cabinet, and the drawer placed upon a hanging shelf for fear of the
rats. This was my bed all the time I stayed with those people; tho
made more convenient by degrees, as I began to learn their language
and make my wants known. This young girl was so handy, that after I
had once or twice pulled off my clothes before her, she was able to
dress and undress me; tho I never gave her that trouble when she would
let me do either myself. She made me seven shirts, and some other
linen, of as fine cloth as could be got, which indeed was coarser than
sackcloth; and these she constantly washed for me with her own hands.
She was likewise my schoolmistress