It seems the only way out of this
predicament, that we keep strictly in touch with reality. Very well,
then. . . . You entered this vehicle, a middle-aged gentleman
something more than three sheets in the wind. You emerge from it
apparently sober and of the opposite sex. If any explanation be
necessary,' I wound up hardily, 'I imagine it to be due to _me_, who
have driven you thus far under a false impression--and, I may add, at
no little risk to the transpontine traffic.'

"'Look here!' said this astonishing female. 'I don't know how it's
happened, but I believe I am addressing a gentleman--'

"'I hope so,' said I, as she paused.

"'Well, then,' she demanded, smoothing her skirt, and seating herself
on the edge of the grass, under the lamplight. 'The question is,
what do you propose to do? I place myself in your hands,
unreservedly.'

"I managed to murmur that she did me honour. 'But with your leave,
ma'am,' said I, 'we'll defer that point for a moment while you tell
me how on earth you have managed to change places with my friend,
whom with my own eyes I saw enter this vehicle. It must have been a
lightning change anyhow: for all the way from Piccadilly I have been
priding myself on our speed.'

"'Change places?' she exclaimed. 'Change places? I'm a respectable
married woman, young sir: and as such I'd ask you what else was due
to myself when he sat down on my lap without even being interjuiced?'

"I made a step to the door of the taxi, but turned and came back.
'He's inside, then?' I asked.

"'Of course he's inside,' she retorted. 'What d'you take me for?
A body-snatcher? Inside he is, and snoring like a pig. Wake him up
and ask him if I've be'aved short of a lady from the first.'

"'He's incapable of it, ma'am,' said I. 'Or, rather, I should say,
_you_ are incapable of it. By which I mean that my friend is
incapable of--er--involving you otherwise than innocently in a
situation of which--er--you are both incapable, respectively.
Appearances may be against us--'

"'Look here,' she chipped in. 'Have you been drinking too?'

"'A little,' I admitted. 'But you may trust me to be discreet.
How this responsibility comes to be mine, I can't guess: but it is
urgent that I restore you to your home, or at any rate find you a
decent lodging for the night. Where is your home?' I asked.

"'Walsall,' said she. 'And I wish I had never left it!'

"'Well, ma'am,' said I, 'I won't be so ungallant as to