know about that: but there's one for
the bright and young and another for the middle-aged and sulky.
The police had already let Jimmy down lightly on the charge sheet:
they showed further leniency at the hearing. Even the constable who
faced the Bench with an eye like a damnatory potato contrived to
suggest that he would have left it outside if he could--so
benevolently, so appreciatively he made it twinkle as he gave
evidence. Jimmy tried to take the blame; but the Magistrate, without
relaxing his face, fined him two pounds and mulcted Farrell in five.
He added some scathing remarks upon old men who led their juniors
astray and called themselves Martin Luther when they were nothing of
the sort. I wondered if he knew that he was admonishing a candidate
for County Council honours. I had a notion that he did. His address
lasted half a minute or less, and during it he kept his gaze
implacably fixed on the culprit: but by the working of his under-jaw
and of the muscles below it I seemed to surmise--shall we say--a
certain process of deglutition.

Their fines paid, Jimmy--staunch to the last--brought Farrell forth
to me, who waited outside by the doorstep.

"Look here, Otty; he's in trouble--"

"Of his own making, by all accounts," I put in sternly.

Farrell began to stutter. "A most untoward--er--incident, Sir
Roderick--_most_ untoward! Compromising, I fear?"

"You've lost us the seat, that's all," I told him.

"Oh, I trust not--I trust not!" he protested. "Might the reporters
be--er--"

"Squared?" I suggested.

"Induced--yes, induced--to omit the--er--personal reference?"

"Like the Scarlet Mr. E's," suggested Jimmy, "or the Scarlet
Pimpernel--rather a good name for you, Farrell. Better than Martin
Luther, anyway. The Scarlet Pimpernel, or Two in a Taxi, Not to
Mention the Lady. Or--wait a bit--Peter and Petunia, or Marooned in
Soho. Reader, do you know the 'Catalafina'? If not, let me--"

"Jimmy," I commanded, "don't make an ass of yourself. . . . As for
you, Mr. Farrell, let me remind you of a pretty wise saying of
somebody's--that influence is jolly useful until you have used it.
If I remember, I strained my little stock of it with these reporters
two nights ago."

"I wouldn't jib at expense, Sir Roderick," he whimpered.

"Don't kick him, Otty," Jimmy implored. "He's down. And listen to
me, Farrell," he went on, swinging about. "You can't help it: it's
the Hire System working out through