to shop in a town of raving lunatics
is another. I set out one morning, happy and hopeful with the
intention of buying (a) a tennis racket (b) some tennis balls (c)
some tennis shoes (d) a ticket for a tennis ground. I went to the
shop pointed out by some villager (probably mad) and went in and said
I believed they kept tennis rackets. The young man smiled and
assented. I suggested that he might show me some. The young man
looked positively alarmed. 'Oh,' he said, 'We haven't got any--not
got any here.' I asked 'Where?' 'Oh, they're out you know. All
round,' he explained wildly, with a graphic gesture in the direction
of the sea and the sky. 'All out round. We've left them all round at
places.' To this day I don't know what he meant, but I merely asked
when they would quit these weird retreats. He said in an hour: in an
hour I called again. Were they in now? 'Well not in--not in, just
yet,' he said with a sort of feverish confidentialness, as if he
wasn't quite well. 'Are they still--all out at places?' I asked with
restrained humour. 'Oh no!' he said with a burst of reassuring pride.
'They are only out there--out behind, you know.' I hope my face
expressed my beaming comprehension of the spot alluded to.
Eventually, at a third visit, the rackets were produced. None of
them, I was told by my brother, were of any first-class maker, so
that was outside the question. The choice was between some good, neat
first-hand instruments which suited me, and some seedy-looking
second-hand objects with plain deal handles, which would have done at
a pinch. I thought that perhaps it would be better to get a
good-class racket in London and content myself for the present with
economising on one of these second-hand monuments of depression. So I
asked the price. '10/6' was the price of the second-hand article. I
thought this large for the tool, and wondered if the first-hand
rackets were much dearer. What price the first-hand? '7/6' said the
Creature, cheery as a bird. I did not faint. I am strong.

"I rejected the article which was dearer because it had been hallowed
by human possession, and accepted the cheap, new crude racket. Except
the newness there was no difference between them whatever. I then
asked the smiling Maniac for balls. He brought me a selection of
large red globes nearly as big as Dutch cheeses. I said, 'Are these
tennis-balls?' He said, 'Oh did you want tennis-balls?' I said
Yes--they often came in handy at tennis. The