y Sixteen Goblins_, and we are
afraid it won't do.

_Literary Aspirant_ (_pained_). Won't _do_!

_Pub._ (_calmly_). No. Won't do a bit--at least, not in its present
form. You see, you introduce a Pirate Chief, named Captain WILDFIRE,
who lives at Singapore, and who murders the mate, the steward, five
seamen, and all the Passengers of the _Jolly Seamew_, the vessel that
he commands, and appropriates five million dollars belonging to his
employers, the vessel's owners.

_Lit. Asp._ Quite so. I thought those incidents would be rather
exciting. They're so new. Do you object to the murders, or what?

_Pub._ Oh, dear no! But now this name, Captain WILDFIRE.
(_Suspiciously._) Are you sure there is nobody whose name is at all
like it, and who also resides at Singapore?

_Lit. Asp._ I took the name quite by chance. I've never been near
Singapore in my life.

_Pub._ (_relieved_). Glad to hear it. One has to be so careful
nowadays. Here's an Army List--let us see if anybody called WILDFIRE
figures in it. Ha! What's this! "Major WILDMAN, 217th Hussars."
(_Gazes at Lit. Aspirant sternly._) Is your Captain WILDFIRE
intended as a caricature of Major WILDMAN, Sir, or is it not?

_Lit. Asp._ (_astonished_). Why, of course not! I never heard of the
man.

_Pub._ Very likely not. _We_ should hear of him precious soon if we
published your novel as it stands.

_Lit. Asp._ But what reason is there to suppose this Major WILDMAN has
ever been to Singapore? And how can a captain of a merchantship like
the _Jolly Seamew_ be confused with a Major in the Army who has never
commanded a vessel in his life?

_Pub._ (_doggedly_). All very well; but the name must come out. Then
I don't like this description of the Ninth Goblin at all. Where is it?
Oh, here! (_Reads._) "Even the cerements of the tomb enveloping the
form of the Ninth Goblin could not hide--nay, seemed rather to bring
prominently forward--the malignant expression of the one-eyed
face, with its crop of red whiskers, beetle brows, and low receding
forehead."

_Lit. Asp._ What's wrong with _that_?

_Pub._ Wrong! Everything's wrong! There are lots of people about with
red whiskers and low receding foreheads, and they'll all bring actions
of libel.

_Lit. Asp._ But _my_ Goblin has only one eye.

_Pub._ Well, so may they. They're equal to taking one eye out and
putting it back when the trial's over, if they thought it'd help them
to get money out of _us_. There may be a fello