Seeing me twice run
across the courtyard in quest of the money, the cabman must have divined
the reason, for, leaping from his drozhki, he--notwithstanding that he
had seemed so kind--began to bawl aloud (with an evident desire to punch
my head) that people who do not pay for their cab-rides are swindlers.

None of my family were yet out of bed, so that, except for the servants,
there was no one from whom to borrow the forty copecks. At length, on my
most sacred, sacred word of honour to repay (a word to which, as I could
see from his face, he did not altogether trust), Basil so far yielded to
his fondness for me and his remembrance of the many services I had done
him as to pay the cabman. Thus all my beautiful feelings ended in smoke.
When I went upstairs to dress for church and go to Communion with the
rest I found that my new clothes had not yet come home, and so I could
not wear them. Then I sinned headlong. Donning my other suit, I went
to Communion in a sad state of mental perturbation, and filled with
complete distrust of all my finer impulses.

IX. HOW I PREPARED MYSELF FOR THE EXAMINATIONS

On the Thursday in Easter week Papa, my sister, Katenka, and Mimi went
away into the country, and no one remained in my grandmother's great
house but Woloda, St. Jerome, and myself. The frame of mind which I
had experienced on the day of my confession and during my subsequent
expedition to the monastery had now completely passed away, and left
behind it only a dim, though pleasing, memory which daily became more
and more submerged by the impressions of this emancipated existence.

The folio endorsed "Rules of My Life" lay concealed beneath a pile of
school-books. Although the idea of the possibility of framing rules, for
every occasion in my life and always letting myself be guided by
them still pleased me (since it appeared an idea at once simple and
magnificent, and I was determined to make practical application of it),
I seemed somehow to have forgotten to put it into practice at once, and
kept deferring doing so until such and such a moment. At the same time,
I took pleasure in the thought that every idea which now entered my
head could be allotted precisely to one or other of my three sections of
tasks and duties--those for or to God, those for or to my neighbour, and
those for or to myself. "I can always refer everything to them," I said
to myself, "as well as the many, many other ideas which occur to me on
o