ngues, and
mind our own business, and only to take care and keep ourselves
together. Well, sir, we had to walk up the hill, you know, and there was
the constable following us with his staff in his hand; so I had
compassion on my poor fellow-sufferers, and I whispered, first to one,
then to another, that this sort of jog would never do, but I would
manage to tell them how to have a good night's rest. You see, says I,
here's but one constable to thirteen people, so when you get to the
cross-roads, let every man take up his legs and run, each his own way.
He can but catch one, and the slowest runner will have the chance. Now,
I was the fattest of them all, you see, so that every one of them
thought that I should be the man. Well, sir, they followed my advice;
but it's a different thing to give advice, and take it. No sooner did we
get to the cross-roads, than they scattered like a heap of dust in the
wind, some down the roads and lanes, some over the styles and gates,
some through the hedges. Little Sninkum, the tailor, stuck in the hedge
by the way, and was the man caught, for he was afraid of his broadcloth;
but I stood stock still, with a look of marvellous astonishment, crying
out, "For God's sake catch them, constable, or what will my lord say to
you and me?" Off the poor devil set in a moment, one man to catch
twelve, all over the face of the country. He thought he was sure enough
of me; but what did I do? why, as soon as he was gone, I waddled home to
my own house, and got my wife to put me to bed up-stairs, and pass me
for my grandfather. Well, sir, that's not the best of it yet. We were
all in Court next day at the right hour, and snug in the jury-box before
the judge came in; but I have a notion he had heard something of the
matter. He looked mighty hard at Sninkum, whose face was all scratched
to pieces, and opening his mouth with a pop, like the drawing of a cork,
he said, "Why, man, you look as if you and your brethren had been
fighting!" and then he looked as hard at me, and roared, "I hope
gentlemen, you have kept yourselves together?" Thereupon, I laid my two
hands upon my stomach, sir,--it weighs a hundred and a half, if it were
cut off to-morrow, as I know to my cost, who carry it--and I answered
quite respectful, "I can't answer for the other gentlemen, my lord, but
I'll swear I've kept myself together." You should have heard how the
Court rang with the people laughing, while I remained as grave as a
judg