ought into electrical action, may suppose that galvanism might have
served to vivify the apparatus, and cause the fibres of its artificial
brain to quiver with those vibrations which constitute perception,
memory, and understanding. But if mind consists in vibrations, the
abilities of a SHAKSPERE are no great shakes; therefore we cannot accept
such a theory of the constitution of the Footman which is wanted in a
Clergyman's family.

The mysterious agency concerned in Table Turning, belief in which has in
some minds survived its refutation by FARADAY, we should rather consider
to be the animating principle of this FRANKENSTEIN'S Androides or
ANDREWOIDES, artificial Andrew or automatic John Thomas.

The female domestics in the family of the clergyman are, of course, of a
nature similar to that of the manservant which is wanted there, since no
housemaid or cook could stay in a house where a Footman was kept
referred to by the neuter pronoun, which, and consequently where the
Footman was an Inanimate Thing.

* * * * *

A FABLE FOR MR. COMMISSIONER MURPHY.

Once upon a time, a lot of murphies--_id est_ potatoes--were put in a
pot together. "Now, boys"--said one of the praties--"as we'll all be in
hot water--all of a bilin'--wobble as we may, for the credit of ould
Ireland--don't let us _split_ on one another."

* * * * *

THE MAIN STAYS OF SCIENCE.

The _savans_ at Hull have lately been giving some very interesting
results of the trial of the strength of "stays." Surely this department
should have been left to a female committee, for the true strength of
"stays" can only be ascertained by experiments in very tight lacing.

* * * * *

A NEW TIDE OF EMIGRATION.

Gold has been discovered in Scotland. This discovery may work perhaps a
miracle. It may have the effect of sending all the Scotchmen, who for
years have left their native country, "bock again."

* * * * *

ANOTHER "HEIGHT OF IMPUDENCE."--Naming a Railway Engine "Safety."

* * * * *

BRITISH ENTERPRISE.

[Illustration: A]

An opulent Bill-sticker has, we understand, made offers to the leader of
the Chinese insurgent forces to rent of him, in the event of his being
made Emperor, the renowned wall of China. The sum offered has not
transpired, but it is said to be something extremely munificent. It i