* *

AN UNERRING BILLIARD PLAYER.

How can the POPE get anybody to play billiards with him, unless he gets
a Protestant, or a heathen? Who else would expect to have any chance
with Infallibility?

* * * * *

RATHER TOO NICE.

A strict business man of our acquaintance is so extremely particular in
all his transactions, that since the new Act came in force, he never has
been known to pay a compliment, without insisting upon taking a stamped
receipt.

* * * * *

THE GOD HYMEN TO THE DEMI-GOD _PUNCH_.

"_Saffron Hill, Olympus. Prid. Id. Oct._

[Illustration: W]

Well beloved, joyful am I to see you Britons--_penitus toto divisos orbe
Britannos_, as a friend near me says--returning or relapsing into
Paganism. So my altar, 'the altar of HYMEN,' is at last erected in your
places of worship, is it? I had doubted whether the news could be true;
but I now read the statement so repeatedly in the _Morning Herald_, who
asserts herself to be the only exponent of religion (and Irish grammar),
that I doubt no longer The 'Hymeneal ceremony' is constantly performed
by your priests--so I read. OLYMPUS rejoices--we all rejoice. My father,
APOLLO, has composed a capital song in honour of your conversion; and my
respected mother, URANIA, is making a new star, which will be hung out
in a few nights in commemoration of the same. But, Well-beloved, there
is a good saying by PERIANDER of Corinth, '_Prius intellige, et deinde
ad opus accede._' The 'Hymeneal Ceremonies' ought to be performed
accurately and properly, if at all, or JUNO (between ourselves, a
stuck-up party) will show little favour to the nuptials. Instruct your
priests and officials, Well-beloved, and let us gods shortly read in the
_Morning Herald_, that you are not content with foolishly applying Pagan
phrases to Christian facts, but that you are consistent. Something like
the following, eh?

"_S. dicit_,

"Yours very faithfully, HYMEN."

* * * * *

MARRIAGE RITES IN HIGH LIFE.

(_From the Morning Herald._)

The long talked of espousals of LORD JULIUS FITZMARLINGSPIKE and the
lovely and accomplished ROSA AUGUSTA, youngest daughter of his Grace the
DUKE OF BOPPS, have at length come off. Some delay was occasioned by the
gentlemen of the long robe, but the _Sponsalia_ having been finally
perused and settled by the eminent barrister CHRYSOSTOM SILVERTONGU