herself, and at length burst into a fit of convulsive laughter,
and sat holding her hands to her fat shaking sides, and appearing likely
to tumble off her chair. Titmouse was almost on the point of striking
her! At length, however, the fit went off; and wiping her eyes, she
expressed the greatest commiseration for him, and proposed to go down
and fetch up some soft soap and flannel, and try what "a good hearty
wash would do." Scarce sooner said than done--but, alas, in vain! Scrub,
scrub--lather, lather, did they both; but, the instant that the
soap-suds had been washed off, there was the head as green as ever!

"Oh, murder, murder! what _am_ I to do, Mrs. Squallop?" groaned
Titmouse, having taken another look at himself in the glass.

"Why--really I'd be off to a police-office, and have 'em all taken up,
if as how I was _you!_" quoth Mrs. Squallop.

"No--See if I don't take that bottle, and make the fellow that sold it
me swallow what's left--and I'll smash in his shop front besides!"

"Oh, you won't--you mustn't--not on no account! Stop at home a bit, and
be quiet; it may go off with all this washing, in the course of the day.
Soft soap is an uncommon strong thing for getting colors
out--but--a--a--excuse me now, Mr. Titmouse"--said Mrs. Squallop,
seriously--"why wasn't you satisfied with the hair God Almighty had
given you? D' ye think He didn't know a deal better than you what was
best for you? I'm blest if I don't think this is a judgment on you, when
one comes to consider!"

"What's the use of your standing preaching to me in this way, Mrs.
Squallop?" said Titmouse, first with amazement, and then with fury in
his manner--"A'n't I half mad without it? Judgment or no
judgment--where's the harm of my wanting black hair any more than black
trousers? That a'n't _your own_ hair, Mrs. Squallop--you're as gray as a
badger underneath--'pon my soul! I've often remarked it--I _have_, 'pon
my soul!"

"I'll tell you what, Mr. Himperance!" furiously exclaimed Mrs. Squallop,
"you're a liar! And you deserve what you've got! It _is_ a judgment, and
I hope it will stick by you--so take _that_ for your sauce, you vulgar
fellow!" (snapping her fingers at him.) "Get rid of your green hair if
you can! It's only carrot _tops_ instead of carrot _roots_--and some
likes one, some the other--ha! ha! ha!"

"I'll tell you what, Mrs. Squ"---- he commenced, but she had gone,
having slammed to the door behind her with all her force; and