on is
consecrated to its highest purpose of reproduction, if marriage is
felt to be only an added opportunity for self-control, which will be
more difficult then because there will be no restraint except that
which is self-imposed, then the engagement will be felt to be a time
of gradual preparation for that closer relationship which needs more
will-power because opportunity is greater.

Under these conditions the lovers will be aiming towards an ideal
which recognizes that in wedded life all that is lasting in affection,
in tender courtesy, in most intimate companionship, in sweetest
demonstration, is possible without the physical union, which in itself
is the most transitory of pleasures, but which in unlimited indulgence
becomes the most domineering of passions, exhaustive of physical power
and of mental vigor, and absolutely annihilating all true love.

If you ask why there should exist this marvelous drawing of the sexes
towards each other if their relation is not based upon the exercise of
sex-functions, I reply that sex is more than its local expression; it
is inherent in mind as well as body, and therefore sexual power may be
expressed in masculine courage, energy or daring, or in feminine
constancy, self-abnegation, or sweet courtesy. Sexual attraction is
not limited to the local expression, nor creative power to
reproduction of kind, but may give a stimulus to the intellectual
companionship of men and women, and result in the creation of nobler
ideals and grander aspirations.

Having settled in your mind your attitude towards your lover, let us
consider what it shall be towards your family during these days of
the engagement. Naturally you will not feel a separation from the home
circle as keenly as do the other members of your family. You two are
so absorbed in each other, are so busy exchanging ideas, in becoming
acquainted, that you are oblivious to the change brought about in your
family. You think you two ought to be allowed the privilege of
_tete-a-tetes_, for of course you cannot talk freely together in the
hearing of others. This is true. You should have times of seclusion,
when, without a sense of oppression through fear of criticism or
jesting, you can rhapsodize, or quote poetry and open your hearts'
treasures to each other. But you still owe a duty to your home.
Doubtless your mother is not now as necessary to your happiness as you
are to hers. She is thinking of you with most tender solicitude,