have been thoroughly disinfected with peat-moss,
cod-liver-oil emulsion and a good face-powder. A little boracic ointment
rubbed well into the roots before breakfast is also to be commended.
With regard to the Squirrel-tailed Borzois, during the period of weaning
try bicarbonate of soda, one scruple; sal volatile, one drachm; to be
taken every calendar month from date of contract."

A large, genial man, with an official manner--he was, I discovered, the
under-superintendent--approached, and the haggard man moved rapidly
away.

"A painful case," I observed.

"Very," said the large man. "Journalist of the name of Criddle--Jabez
Wilberforce Criddle. He used to run the Gardening section of _The Sunday
Helio_. Then the chap that was responsible for the 'Legal Advice' was
called up, and Criddle got his column as well as his own. Next, the
'Poultry Gossip' man went, and they gave Criddle that, and when a week
later the 'Cookery Notes' woman took up V.A.D. work he got her share
too. He struggled along gamely enough until 'Auntie Gladys,' who ran
'Our Baby' column, became a tram-conductress; but, when they passed him
that, his mind went, and the proprietors sent him here."

I inquired as to the possibilities of recovery.

"There is hope," said the large man, "that the trouble may not last
beyond the duration of the War. But we shan't feel that we've made a
fair start until we've cured him of getting up in the night and tapping
his artificial teeth with a button-hook. He fancies he's dictating
'Answers to Correspondents.'"

* * * * *

Clerical Candour.

"In order to satisfy my mind I spent over two hours in a certain
cinema ... Frankly I was disappointed. I saw nothing which could
in any way be called indecent."

_The Rev. F. H. GILLINGHAM, in "The Weekly Dispatch."_

* * * * *

[Illustration: AN UNEASY CONSCIENCE.

"WELL, I'M OFF TO MY DRESSMAKER'S. I CAN'T SIT HERE ANY LONGER BEING
ECONOMISED AT BY THAT GIRL'S CLOTHES."]

* * * * *

THE WORLD SET FREE.

(_An awful prospect._)

Long, long ago, when I had not attested,
I prized the liberties of this proud race,
The right of speech, from haughty rulers wrested,
The right to put one's neighbours in their place;
I liked to argue and I loved to pass
Slighting remarks on Robert, who's an ass,
To hint that Henry's manners were