ld Bond Street, W.]

* * * * *

A Smooth Passage.

"In the Lords Viscount French took his sea but it was a quiet
affair."--_Morning Paper._

* * * * *

"EMPLOYMENT as odd man offered to a disabled soldier in a very
good gentleman's household."--_Morning Paper._

As the above advertisement appeared several times we are afraid the
gentleman must have been regarded as almost too good to be true.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Bank Manager._ "Now please understand, Miss Jones, you
must make the books balance." _Miss Jones._ "Oh, Mr. Brown, how fussy
you are!"]

* * * * *

THE DUG-OUT DOMINIE.

Some thirty years ago or more
He tried his hand at gerund-grinding,
But very speedily forswore
The _role_ before its ties grew binding;
He earned a living by his pen,
Paid court to Clio and Melpomene,
Until the War broke out, and then
Enlisted--as a dug-out dominie.

Shortsighted, undersized and weak,
Intolerant yet self-distrusting,
There could not well have been a "beak"
Less fitted for the nice adjusting
Of his peculiar point of view
To that of forty-odd years later,
Less eager to acclaim the New,
Less apt for Georgian tastes to cater.

He strove, 'tis true, to keep abreast
Of MASEFIELD'S grim poetic frenzy,
Sought Truth in WELLS, and did his best
To like the Oxford of MACKENZIE;
With YEATS he wandered in the Void,
Tasted of SHAW'S dramatic jalap,
Then turned with rapture unalloyed
To DICKENS, THACKERAY and TROLLOPE.

Thus handicapped, thus fortified,
Behold him perilously faring
Into a world where all are tried
By boyhood's scrutiny unsparing;
Where ev'ry trick of gait or speech
Is most inexorably noted,
And masters, more than what they teach,
Are studied, criticised and quoted.

His idols mostly left them cold--
BAGEHOT, MATT. ARNOLD, SCOTT and MILTON;
But they were quick in taking hold
Of PRAED and J.K.S. and HILTON;
And once undoubtedly he scored
When, on a day of happy omen,
He introduced them to A. WARD,
The wisest of the tribe of showmen.

But still his fervours left them calm--
Emotion they considered freakish;--
He felt with many an inward qualm
That he was thoroughly un-beakish;
His mood perplexed them; he was half