s, what sits
next ye at the table, she's kinder narvous, an' she says it sets her
teeth on edge, an' she says she can't stan' it; an' she's my best
payin' boarder, bein' she has the second-story front an' back; an' it
would obleege me, ef ye don't min'.'

"'Jes' as lief eat off ten forks, ma'am,' says I, 'ef it suits ye an'
Mis' Jarvis. I been a-noticin' she was kinder pernikity like an' fussy,
an' kinder offish with me; but if it's the difference of knives or
forks, the best payin' boarder ain't goin' to be hurt by me.' But,
boys! I didn't know by a long shot what I was a-promisin'. I tell ye,
the knife would keep goin' up the nateral way as it was used to; an'
yesterday I didn't get no kind of a dinner, nor a breakfast this
mornin', thinkin' of that pesky fork. So to-day I was boun' I'd get my
dinner; so I cuts it up an' spoon-victuals it, for fear of hurtin' the
feelin's of the best payin' boarder. City ways is uncommon troublesome,
when ye ain't let eat the way is most handy. But I don't care if I go
to the theayter with ye. I never see the inside of one of them places."

"Oh, a real theatre is nothing like the dining-rooms of the hotels,
where you saw the amateur theatricals," said the posted Norman; "and
father wouldn't let us go if it were any harm. He said we could take
you, captain."

"No; an' I reckon the governor wouldn't be for goin' to no place he
shouldn't go," said the captain reflectively. "An' he was along of you
t'other night, wasn't he?"

Norman and Douglas, anxious to overcome any scruples the old man might
have, assured him that uncle Rutherford went quite often to the
"theayter," and thus quieted any remaining qualms of conscience which
he might have; for Captain Yorke pinned his faith on uncle Rutherford,
and all that the governor did was right in his eyes. So the expedition
to the theatre was arranged to the satisfaction of my brothers, who
anticipated much amusement in watching the impression the play would
make upon the unsophisticated old veteran.

But a shock was in store for them which they had not foreseen; for the
amount of observation which the captain saw fit to draw upon the party
was almost too much for even their well-seasoned boyish nerves.

For the sake of obtaining an uninterrupted view of the stage, the boys
had secured seats which the event proved to be too conspicuous for
their comfort. No sooner were they all seated than the captain began
with his comments and criticisms