* * *

[Illustration: _Nurse._ "LITTLE GENTLEMEN, MASTER ERIC, LEAVE THE LAST
MINCE-PIE TO THEIR SISTERS."

_Generous Little Girl._ "O NURSE, DO LET HIM BE A LITTLE CAD."]

* * * * *

CYCLONE IN THE CHANNEL ISLANDS.

"Meteorological Notes.

Harbour Office, Jersey. Wind - E.W.E. - Strong Breeze."

_Jersey Paper._

* * * * *

"To get away, the man must have jumped from a height of about
ten feet to the ground, then across a garden, and over a wall
about eight feet high into a laneway."--_Irish Paper._

Some "lep," as they say in Ireland.

* * * * *

"In the House of Lords on Saturday, the expiring
Lords Continuance Bill [was] read a third time and
passed."--_Provincial Paper._

Trust the Peers for looking after themselves.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Child (saying prayers_). "GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY
BREAD-AND-BUTTER."

_Governess._ "NO, DEAR--NOT BUTTER." _Child._ "MARGE, THEN."]

* * * * *

LETTERS I NEVER POSTED.

CONCERNING GOOD RESOLUTIONS.

TO THE GIRL AT THE EXCHANGE.

The New Year is upon us and with it comes the determination to mend
our bad habits and make serious efforts to turn over a new leaf.
Perhaps you have already thought of this and have made some good
resolutions; perhaps, on the other hand, you cannot think of anything
amiss that needs correcting. In this case will you let me help you_?_
In every other respect you may be perfection, but as an exchange
operator, which is the only capacity in which (alas!) I know you, you
are often lacking. I have no doubt that you are charming in private
life and that we should get on famously if we met at dinner; but you
have an irritating way of giving me the wrong number, which I do most
cordially hope you will lose during 1921. When I protest, you merely
say you are sorry, but what I suggest is that an ounce of careful
listening at first is worth tons of sorrow later. Kingston doesn't
really sound a bit like Brixton, and yet yesterday, when I asked for a
Kingston number, you put me at once on to the same number in the other
suburb. Constantly when I say I want 2365 you give me 2356. To give
you your due you are always, I will admit, sorry; but....

Another thing. Sometimes, when you ring me up and I answer, all you
do is to ask,